Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.
In the Contemporary era, the financial stability of an individual is a paramount factor which
decide
his happiness. There is a contradiction over the society, as some are claiming that living with what they received is more intellectual, Change the verb form
decides
while
others contend on the notion that combating Linking Words
with
the negative impacts may help to console the pressing issues relating to us, rather than bearing them up. Both Change preposition
apply
above
Correct article usage
the above
viewes
Correct your spelling
views
viewers
along with
my stance in Linking Words
favor
of the Change the spelling
favour
later
opinion will be discussed in the following Correct your spelling
latter
ppassages
.
First and foremost, it is conspicuous that the Correct your spelling
paragraphs
people
with a significant faith Use synonyms
on
their destiny Change preposition
in
as well as
individuals with Linking Words
a tremendous loads
of responsibilities are more prone towards the acceptance of the prevailing conditions.Usually, they consider that dealing with the things and events they receive, is the best Correct the article-noun agreement
a tremendous load
tremendous loads
way
to live happily, by lowering Use synonyms
the
expectations and mitigating Correct article usage
apply
high
Add a hyphen
high-level
level
prospects. Use synonyms
Thus
, those Linking Words
people
have convenient methodologies to gain Use synonyms
their
happiness Correct pronoun usage
apply
by
Change preposition
through
smallest
things they
achieve. Correct article usage
the smallest
For example
, research articles reveal that nearly 65% of the happiest population in the world Linking Words
are having
a Wrong verb form
have
habbit
of limited expectation levels.
Correct your spelling
habit
On the other hand
, the next group of Linking Words
people
with ample Use synonyms
of
future targets Change preposition
apply
are in
Verb problem
have
a
sole aim of leading a comfortable life. Particularly, they always expect the maximum output on their efforts and they explict a dynamic behavior to change the affecting factors on their economy. Correct article usage
the
Therefore
, they are always flexible to change the environment, like changing Linking Words
the
jobs, gaining more qualifications,to Correct article usage
apply
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
the
Change the word
their
level
of income. Use synonyms
Although
they are born Linking Words
with
Change preposition
in
the
poverty, they will not terminate Correct article usage
apply
the
life in a poorer Change the word
their
way
. Use synonyms
For instance
, the majority of the top Linking Words
level
world famous merchants and Use synonyms
businessmans
have started their Correct your spelling
businessmen
businessman
jorneys
from the simplest point winning all the challenges.
With Correct your spelling
journeys
journey
regards
to my opinion, I entirely assert that Fix the agreement mistake
regard
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
should be courageous enough to improve the Use synonyms
level
of living conditions, escaping and avoiding the negative incidents coming to us. Use synonyms
Similarly
, Linking Words
the
destiny Correct article usage
apply
as well as
Linking Words
the
challenges are minor barriers that are defeatable for a strong,willing heart.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, Linking Words
eventhough
some Correct your spelling
even though
people
Use synonyms
are believing
that affording and Wrong verb form
believe
adupting
to the persisting issues is the ideal Correct your spelling
adapting
adopting
way
, I strongly oppose that, because non-congenital factors woven around a particular man are always adjustable in the same Use synonyms
way
we expect.Use synonyms
Submitted by oriexam6 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be improved. For example, 'paramount factor which decide his happiness' should be 'paramount factor which decides their happiness.'
clarity
Some sentences are quite complex and could be simplified for clarity. For example, 'For instance, the majority of the top level world famous merchants and businessmans have started their jorneys from the simplest point winning all the challenges,' could be simplified to enhance readability.
evidence
You need to introduce more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. While you do mention general research articles and famous merchants, these could be more detailed and specific.
structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability and coherence.
completeness
Your essay addresses both perspectives and provides a clear stance, demonstrating a balanced understanding of the topic.
vocabulary
Your vocabulary range is quite good and you have made an effort to use advanced words and phrases, which adds to the quality of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.