IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweith the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives #outweith
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At least once in
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, they must take risks, either professional lives or personal lives. In my point of view, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 because
risk
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-taking can make
people
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 realize how far they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 go and know their potential. What I meant by that statement is
people
Use synonyms
 will never know how valuable they are if they are never to try something that can lead them to achieve their goals.
For example
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, when I was 18 I
must chose
Wrong verb form
had to choose
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 whether
continuing
Change the verb form
to continue
show examples
 my
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 at
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
university
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 or retake
examination
Correct article usage
the examination
show examples
 test in next year to
got
Wrong verb form
get
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to
Change preposition
into
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 my dream
university
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. Because of that, I had to
balancing
Change the verb
balance
show examples
 my academic performance in
first
Correct pronoun usage
my first
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university
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 preparing to
entering
Change the verb form
enter
show examples
 the exam test. At that time, I had two responsibilities.
In addition
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, I promised
to
Change preposition
apply
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myself if my GPA
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 not good
enought
Correct your spelling
enough
at
Change preposition
in
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first
Add an article
the first
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 term, I
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 not try anymore to get
the
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into the
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 that I
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
. Eventually, I can
achieved
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achieve
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 my dream.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in my new place, I tried many organizations and committees but I failed. The thing that I can
learned
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 from it is at least I tried my best. Sometimes,
people
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 have to make decisions which are
hard-to-do
Correct your spelling
hard to do
show examples
. They are in a dilemma situation, should they stay in a comfort zone or
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 to out of it
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 I
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 guarantee, in the end, it will be worth it to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
Use synonyms
risk
Add an article
a risk
the risk
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. Taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 will not always
a
Add a missing verb
be a
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happy way,
however
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,
people
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 will not
Add a missing verb
be dissapointed
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dissapointed
Correct your spelling
disappointed
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 every
risks
Change to a singular noun
risk
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 that they
are taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it might be hard to decide what life choices to choose.
Nevertheless
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, the thing I would say is choose the hard one and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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grammatical accuracy
Work on grammatical accuracy and fluency to make your writing more polished. For example, correct minor errors in verb tense, articles, and prepositions.
cohesion
Enhance your essay's logical structure by making transitions between paragraphs more explicit. Use cohesive devices like 'However', 'Therefore', 'In addition', etc., to show clear relationships between your ideas.
task response
You clearly articulated your point of view and gave personal examples to support your argument.
structure
Your introductory and concluding statements are effective and give a good overview and summary of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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