Are classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some claim that
art
-related lessons
should be incorporated into the main syllabus of high schools
since they have a significant impact on children
's development. I completely agree with the aforementioned statement as those subjects enhance students' creativity
and assist them in selecting the right career paths that align with their interests.
Firstly
, making art
lessons
mandatory in schools
programs is beneficial to improve Change the noun form
school
children
's creativity
skills. Surrounded by technological advancements on a constant basis that replace all technical abilities of people, creativity
has become one of the most vital requirements in nowadays' work environments. Being engaged in various fields of art
from a young age can encourage students to approach problems from different perspectives and come up with unconventional methods to solve issues. Hence
, by offering those subjects as a crucial part of schooling, children
can have better chances to qualify for the current demands of employers. For instance
, according to
public sources, NASA, one of the leading companies in astronomy, seeking candidates who are creative.
Secondly
, making children
familiar with the different aspects of art
at an early age can result in students revealing their best potential and abilities of they were not even aware of. Schools
can use those art
lessons
as a medium to discover the hidden talents of the kids who can pursue them in the future as a possible career choice. As a result
, the whole world can benefit from the artistic abilities of those children
. They can be a potential artist, musician, and actor, who follow their dreams and inspire millions of people. Hence
, schools
can support those who have a flair in certain art
fields and provide them with the right guidance to deter them from wasting their talents on
any other area in which they would not shine.
Change preposition
in
To conclude
, in my opinion, making art
lessons
compulsory subject in high schools
can only be beneficial to student's development as they improve their creativity
and help them to uncover their secret talents to follow in the future.Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on
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task achievement
It is important to ensure that your arguments are consistently supported with clear and specific examples. For instance, while the mention of NASA is interesting, it would benefit from more details to fully connect it to the argument about creativity in arts. Try to give specific examples from educational contexts as well.
coherence cohesion
Avoid small grammatical errors and awkward phrases which can interfere with the reader's understanding. For instance, 'abilities of they were not even aware of' should be 'abilities they were not even aware of'. Additionally, rephrasing 'in nowadays' work environments’ to ‘in today’s work environments’ would improve readability.
task achievement
Your essay successfully argues for the importance of art-related lessons and clearly states your position. The structure is logical and flows well from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with clear and concise paragraphs. Each paragraph focuses on a particular point which is introduced and developed well.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example