IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Although parents are responsible for raising a child, outside influence plays a key role in their development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#parents #child #influence #role #development
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A
fAhers
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father's
 goodness is higher than
mountain
Add an article
a mountain
the mountain
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, A
mother
Change noun form
mother's
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goodnessis
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goodness is
goodness
 deeper than
sea
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the sea
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. we all Know that
motherhod
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motherhood
 and fatherhood are very important to
reare
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create
 healthy generations and improve their relationships. with the current developments , sharing
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 important in
dilferent
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different
 fields
such
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us
Correct your spelling
as
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: rearing- children . so, in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we will shed
Light
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light
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 on different opinions about the responsibility of parents.
to begin
Linking Words
 with, traditionally , few people believed that child-rearing is
woman's
Correct article usage
a woman's
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 responsibility, justifying that by saying :father responsible to to earn life,Addlinaly women were uneducated in the past
therefore
Linking Words
 they have to sit at home , prepare food and raise their kids.
Also
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 , they thought that raising children is only pregncy, birth and feed , they didn’t understand the true meaning of nurturing , It was quite uncommon for women to engage in paid employment that’s why kids were her basic work . In my opinion, I agree with the statement because both parents should take part in equal responsibility for their children’s ur bringing as everyone can deal in various aspects to build their children’s character. They can create a healthy environment for them and improve their social skills.
Furthermore
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, nowadays, it’s common for women to work, which can make it challenge for them to raise their children on their own .
for instance
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 ,parenting lead to create mindful, responsible and conscious generation that can strengthen societies . In conclusion, bringing up should be shared by both parents in order to ensure that they grow up well palanced and to provide them with a brighter future . most importantly,
this
Linking Words
 will create stronger , interconnected family.
Submitted by s.nafa2209 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and supporting details to strengthen your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points more clearly and convincingly.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to provide reasons and examples to support the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve to frame the essay's main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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