IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #consumers #supermarket #food #world #development
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People are able to purchase
food
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 from other countries in one
supermarket
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 lately in a host of nations.
while
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 there are some advantages of
this
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 development, I believe that it has more negative factors. On the one hand, there are some benefits of buying various types of international
food
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 in a
supermarket
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.
Firstly
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, it is much more convenient to buy foreign
food
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 that consumers like. It can save them a lot of time,
,
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apply
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 and it is easy to obtain
while
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 buying those
food
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.
Secondly
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, eating too much
food
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 which
contain
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contains
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 various
of
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apply
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chemicals can be harmful to human bodies. A considerable amount of chemicals has been added into fresh
food
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,
such
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 as fish,
vegetables
Correct word choice
and vegetables
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, in order to restore
food
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 longer.
Thirdly
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, there are more options for buyers to select.
For example
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, if a consumer wants to eat Spanish
food
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, but the
supermarket
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 does not have any of it. It might result in customer dissatisfaction.
On the other hand
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, I am of the opinion that its negative impacts
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
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 its advantages.
Firstly
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,
food
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 would be more expensive.
Food
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 delivered from other countries may increase the cost of
food
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.
Furthermore
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,
food
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woul
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would
dbe
Correct your spelling
be
 more healthy, organic, and even fresher. It is
no
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not
show examples
 necessary to add chemicals into fresh
food
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.
Finally
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,
food
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 is more likely to be more authentic than those selling in a
supermarket
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. Every ingredient produced from its original place can make
food
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be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more tasty. In conclusion, I believe that buying all kinds of foreign
food
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 in one
supermarket
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 can bring more cons than its pros.
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task achievement
Although the essay adequately addresses the topic and provides clear arguments, the points could be more thoroughly developed to demonstrate a deeper analysis of the topic. For instance, the mention of chemicals in food is not explained well in terms of how international foods compare with local foods regarding chemical usage.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and transitions smoothly to the next point. Work on eliminating minor language errors, such as 'it is no necessary' which should be 'it is not necessary'. This will make the essay more fluid and easier to understand.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects of the issue, showing the writer's ability to consider multiple perspectives.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction establishes the essay's topic and purpose effectively. The conclusion also succinctly summarizes the writer's stance, providing a clear ending to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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