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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #consumers #supermarket #food #world #development
People are able to purchase
food
 from other countries in one
supermarket
 lately in a host of nations.
while
 there are some advantages of
this
 development, I believe that it has more negative factors. On the one hand, there are some benefits of buying various types of international
food
 in a
supermarket
.
Firstly
, it is much more convenient to buy foreign
food
 that consumers like. It can save them a lot of time,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 and it is easy to obtain
while
 buying those
food
.
Secondly
, eating too much
food
 which
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
chemicals can be harmful to human bodies. A considerable amount of chemicals has been added into fresh
food
,
such
 as fish,
vegetables
Correct word choice
and vegetables
show examples
, in order to restore
food
 longer.
Thirdly
, there are more options for buyers to select.
For example
, if a consumer wants to eat Spanish
food
, but the
supermarket
 does not have any of it. It might result in customer dissatisfaction.
On the other hand
, I am of the opinion that its negative impacts
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 its advantages.
Firstly
,
food
 would be more expensive.
Food
 delivered from other countries may increase the cost of
food
.
Furthermore
,
food
woul
Correct your spelling
would
dbe
Correct your spelling
be
 more healthy, organic, and even fresher. It is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 necessary to add chemicals into fresh
food
.
Finally
,
food
 is more likely to be more authentic than those selling in a
supermarket
. Every ingredient produced from its original place can make
food
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more tasty. In conclusion, I believe that buying all kinds of foreign
food
 in one
supermarket
 can bring more cons than its pros.
Submitted by 842623369 on

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task achievement
Although the essay adequately addresses the topic and provides clear arguments, the points could be more thoroughly developed to demonstrate a deeper analysis of the topic. For instance, the mention of chemicals in food is not explained well in terms of how international foods compare with local foods regarding chemical usage.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and transitions smoothly to the next point. Work on eliminating minor language errors, such as 'it is no necessary' which should be 'it is not necessary'. This will make the essay more fluid and easier to understand.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects of the issue, showing the writer's ability to consider multiple perspectives.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction establishes the essay's topic and purpose effectively. The conclusion also succinctly summarizes the writer's stance, providing a clear ending to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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