IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in siz major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in siz major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions.
#data #railway #systems #siz #cities #kilometres #route #passenger #numbers #year #millions
The present table compares data about the number of data opened,
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 of
route
Add an article
the route
show examples
 and
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
 of subway railway systems which was in 6 different metropolises with
time
Add an article
a time
the time
show examples
 of
opened
Change the form of the verb
opening
show examples
.
Overall
, the
first
 system was in London which had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 largest road, but Tokyo had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
massive
trvellers
Correct your spelling
travellers
.
According to
 the chart, London
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was the
first
 underground founded in 1863 had the largest road with 394 Km;
however
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the passengers had the third level with 775 million persons. The second ancient metro was in Paris
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was
found
Wrong verb form
founded
show examples
 in the
first
 year of
20
Replace the word
the 20th
show examples
centuries
Fix the agreement mistake
century
show examples
.
In addition
,
this
 city had the second level in two other items respectively 199 and 1191. The third
one
 was Tokyo
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 27 younger than
Parise
Correct article usage
the Parise
show examples
 subway
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and had 44 rods less than Paris, yet the passengers that transport was the
first
 with 1927. The picture shows the fourth
one
 was Washington DC
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was nearly 100 years younger than London;
moreover
, the roads were 126, but
this
 city was not crowded city because
trvellers
Correct your spelling
travellers
 were 144. The
last
 cities were Kyoto and Los Angeles the
first
one
 was established
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
20
Correct your spelling
20th
 century and was twenty years older than the second
one
;
nevertheless
, railways and people who used underground
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 less than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
one
.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words first, one with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!