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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in siz major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in siz major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions.
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The present table compares data about the number of data opened,
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 of
route
Add an article
the route
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 and
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
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 of subway railway systems which was in 6 different metropolises with
time
Add an article
a time
the time
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 of
opened
Change the form of the verb
opening
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
first
Use synonyms
 system was in London which had
a
Change the article
the
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 largest road, but Tokyo had
a
Correct article usage
apply
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massive
trvellers
Correct your spelling
travellers
.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, London
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was the
first
Use synonyms
 underground founded in 1863 had the largest road with 394 Km;
however
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
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the passengers had the third level with 775 million persons. The second ancient metro was in Paris
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 was
found
Wrong verb form
founded
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 in the
first
Use synonyms
 year of
20
Replace the word
the 20th
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centuries
Fix the agreement mistake
century
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 city had the second level in two other items respectively 199 and 1191. The third
one
Use synonyms
 was Tokyo
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 was 27 younger than
Parise
Correct article usage
the Parise
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 subway
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and had 44 rods less than Paris, yet the passengers that transport was the
first
Use synonyms
 with 1927. The picture shows the fourth
one
Use synonyms
 was Washington DC
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was nearly 100 years younger than London;
moreover
Linking Words
, the roads were 126, but
this
Linking Words
 city was not crowded city because
trvellers
Correct your spelling
travellers
 were 144. The
last
Linking Words
 cities were Kyoto and Los Angeles the
first
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
 was established
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the end of the
20
Correct your spelling
20th
 century and was twenty years older than the second
one
Use synonyms
;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, railways and people who used underground
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 less than
the
Change preposition
in the
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last
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words first, one with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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