IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many wild animals have become endangered. Why has this happened? What can governments do to stop this from continuing to happen

#animals #governments
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In
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 few decades , the diversity of
Correct article usage
the nature
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nature
Replace the word
natural
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 world
disappear
Wrong verb form
has disappeared
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 gradually
by
Change preposition
with
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 a dramatic decline
a
Change preposition
in a
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large number of wild
Use synonyms
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 species . Some wildlife is increasingly scarce and they are in danger of extinction .
This
Linking Words
 essay will look at some primary causes and propose a number of possible solutions that the
government
Use synonyms
 can take to tackle the problem. There are two main reasons for becoming endangered in some rare
animals
Use synonyms
 .
Firstly
Linking Words
 , they are affected by illegal poaching from humans .
For example
Linking Words
 , poachers tend to hunt valuable products like ivory tusks ,
shark
Correct word choice
and shark
show examples
 scales . Another reason is deforestation . Using clear land for agriculture and logging can damage the habitat of various wild
animals
Use synonyms
 .
As a consequence
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 , it
offers
Verb problem
poses
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 some threats to
survival
Correct article usage
the survival
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
animal species . There are several actions that suggest the
government
Use synonyms
 to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue .
To begin
Linking Words
 with , the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to come up with legislation about raising strict punishment for poachers . From that point , it can reduce attacking wild
animals
Use synonyms
 . Not only that , the
government
Use synonyms
 can provide a safe habitat for wildlife . By establishing
a conservation areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
conservation areas
a conservation area
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 like national
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
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, nature
reserve
Fix the agreement mistake
reserves
show examples
 can offer
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 opportunity
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
for developed
Change preposition
to develop
show examples
 and
maintained
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
race
Correct pronoun usage
their race
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 . In conclusion , there are various factors leading to
endangered
Replace the word
the extinction
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 of wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 and some measures can be implemented to tackle
this
Linking Words
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
.
Submitted by hachuhachuha on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use a wider variety of linking phrases and ensure that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. For example, transitional phrases like 'therefore,' 'furthermore,' and 'however' can be used more effectively.
task achievement
Develop more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, providing statistics or case studies regarding poaching incidents and deforestation impacts would enhance the essay's credibility.
coherence cohesion
Refine the structure of your paragraphs, ensuring each one centers on a single main idea. This will make your essay easier to follow and more logically organized.
task achievement
Improve your grammatical range and accuracy by paying attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreements, and punctuation. While minor errors are acceptable, frequent grammatical mistakes can distract the reader and lower your score.
task achievement
The essay covers the primary causes of animal endangerment and proposes valid solutions, demonstrating a clear understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow the writer’s arguments.
task achievement
The writer uses appropriate vocabulary relevant to the topic, showing a good command of language.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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