IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have same rights as people. Whist others say that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals #rights #whist #humans #food #research
A rising
sounds
Fix the agreement mistake
sound
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 on
animals
Change the noun form
animal
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 rights protection
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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hearing
Wrong verb form
heard
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 nowadays,
while
 other sounds tend toward utilizing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animals
 for many
perposes
Correct your spelling
purposes
. My opinion will be neutral between the different sounds, in
this
 essay I will elaborate on my point of view. To commence with the reason
of
Change preposition
apply
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people who said that they must use
this
 creature to meet their requirements from food
although
 if they are vegetarian, they utilize the wools, feathers and leathers of the
animals
, As it is very indicated in
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
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 aspect ,
while
Correct word choice
apply
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the excessive consumption of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 pets will expose
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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danger
Correct article usage
the danger
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 of extinction
moreover
 the effect of the ecosystem imbalance.
On the other hand
 , folks who are proclaiming for the
animals
Change to a genitive case
animal's
animals'
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 rights
who are
Verb problem
apply
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also
believing
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 in keeping the souls of
innocence
Replace the word
innocent
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 creatures,
in addition
 to , breeding them and providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food in order to save their souls. I see ,
attention
Correct word choice
that attention
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 on breeding poultry and
cattles
Correct your spelling
cattle
castles
 is a crucial matter, to keep them away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction,
furthermore
 using them
according to
 known
guide lines
Correct your spelling
guidelines
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hence
 to keep the environment
balance
Wrong verb form
balanced
show examples
.
To sum up
 , some people
thought
Wrong verb form
think
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 that there are
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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behind
Change preposition
to
show examples
 exploiting them ,
Correct word choice
while other
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 oppose the idea of killing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pet
Fix the agreement mistake
pets
show examples
 for meeting human purposes.
Finally
, the using of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 definitely an important role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans
Change to a genitive case
human's
humans'
show examples
 daily inquiry source
i.e
Correct your spelling
i.e.
 protein and fats but it should be employed wisely.
Submitted by sarah.baghdad20 on

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coherence cohesion
In order to improve coherence and cohesion, consider structuring your essay with clear paragraphs for each main idea. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that outlines the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. This will help to create a more logical and easy-to-follow structure.
task achievement
Ensure you fully develop your ideas by providing specific examples and elaborating on your points. For instance, when discussing the ethical treatment of animals, you could mention specific organizations advocating for animal rights or examples of industries that benefit from animal use, such as pharmaceuticals or agriculture.
coherence cohesion
Work on your grammar and sentence structure to enhance readability. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring subject-verb agreement can help make your essay clearer.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the debate, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a broad outline and a summary of your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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