IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that individuals are born to be leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals #leaders #leadership #learnt
Despite the decent density of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 who asserts captainship is
as
Correct your spelling
an
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 inherent component
whereas
Correct word choice
apply
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the rest of mankind
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to hitch their wagon to a star via
the
Correct article usage
apply
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desperate endeavors. Considering to be a splendid entrepreneur who takes a bull by the horns is
more
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apply
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preferable to me upon various causes,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
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 those who used to rely on luck and constantly rant
of
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about
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 the aptitudes they are deprived of.
Tremendous
Add an article
A tremendous
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 array of individuals abstruse of workaholism aspect of successful executors, which is places
the
Correct article usage
an
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 essential role in life.
Moreover
, a colossal amount of mundane work and drills
are remained
Wrong verb form
remain
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 behind
of
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apply
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the
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 becoming
the
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apply
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ineffable leaders.
Furthermore
,
hardworking
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the hardworking
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 period of life
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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almost single-handy determines the up-and-coming managers, testing the possibility
to cope
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of coping
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 with substantial impediments on the way.
Hence
to
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apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, individuals are able to assess their qualities in conjunction with acquiring an aplomb.
For instance
,
high-value
Add an article
the high-value
a high-value
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 manager is always
demanded
Verb problem
required
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 to be
lock
Wrong verb form
locked
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 and loaded to every single serendipity and bring their
A game
Add a hyphen
A-game
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. Another noteworthy agenda refers to the proportion of
the
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apply
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mankind who tends to confess people are born with abilities as
truly
Change the adverb
true
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 leaders. As far as
the
Remove the article
apply
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that theory is concerned, humankind from that camp is dead sure that the thing is in the naturalistic aspect which advocates for complainers who don’t possess a profound intention to actions, entailing to slacking off. The magnificent sample of it is
lying
Verb problem
apply
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the fact that
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 brain usually seeks
for
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apply
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the easiest solution
thus
 complaining rather than walking the talk indeed.
To sum up
 the aforementioned, I am dramatically captivated by the executers’ prospects apparently owing to the positive impact, manifesting in actual skills and knowledge I will obtain.
Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on

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task response
The essay discusses both views, but the ideas are not fully developed and some parts are hard to understand. Ensure each point is clearly explained and supported.
coherence cohesion
The overall coherence and cohesion are weak. Some sentences are overly complex or unclear. Try to use simpler, more direct language to convey your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is affected by unclear references and complex sentences. Use clear connectors and ensure that every paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
task response
The essay attempts to address both views of the topic, which shows a good grasp of the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points of the essay, which helps to bring closure to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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