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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As parts of education, students should spend a period of time living in another country to learn its language and culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays there is a growing tendency among
students
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 to continue their educations abroad to be familiar with various cultures and languages that belong to other nations. I completely agree with the
aformentioned
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aforementioned
 statement since going abroad
offer
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offers
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 them a real opportunity to delve deep into various cultures and languages.
In addition
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, by making
studing
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studying
 in a foreign country a part of their educational journey, they will possess broader knowledge and skills that can be beneficial in their careers.
Firstly
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, it is a common practice for
students
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 to strive to stay in foreign states to learn languages from natives. It is scientifically
proved
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proven
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 that the best and
effective
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most effective
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 method to learn a
language
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 is being exposed to it in a natural environment. Considering the fact that living in another country will allow
students
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 to surround themselves with individuals who are native carriers of the culture and
language
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, there is no better place to immerse yourself into something you are struggling to learn.
For example
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,
according to
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 the statistics, those who communicate with native speakers on a constant basis can grasp
the
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apply
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new words and expressions quicker and retain
in
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them in
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 their minds for a longer period since they actively utilize them.
Furthermore
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, visiting and deciding to stay in a different state will not only help you comprehend the
language
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 better but
also
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 provide you with better education options which
students
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 can take in order to deepen their knowledge relating to any subject they want to pursue.
This
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 might encourage them to master their skills and become a professional employee with
better
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a better
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 future filled with opportunities and advantages.
For instance
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, as a student who wants to
further
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 her education abroad, I believe having
such
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 an incredible experience in my university years will definitely guarantee
the
Correct article usage
a
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 promising future, which can be beneficial both for me and my country.
To conclude
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, I fully support the idea that
students
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 should spend a certain period of their lives abroad in order to fully acquire the
language
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 and immerse themselves
into
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in
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 a rich culture.
This
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 will definitely help them get ahead in their careers and be the master of their occupations.

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to strengthen coherence. This can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
For task achievement, strengthen your examples by providing more specific details or statistics. Real-life examples can make your argument more compelling.
introduction position
The introduction clearly states the writer's position, making it easy for the reader to understand the essay's direction from the beginning.
supported main points
Each paragraph supports the main points well and contributes to the overall argument.
conclusion summary
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reinforces the writer's stance, providing a strong ending to the piece.
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