IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In some countries was in the house is more important than rented one what might be the cause is this positive or negative development

#countries #house #development
ownership of the
house
 to live in, it not only provides shelter but
also
 economic
stabilities
Correct your spelling
stability
show examples
 freedom and a sense of livelihood which is not possible in
Add an article
a
show examples
rented
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
while
 tenants are forced by owners
for vacating
Change preposition
to vacate
show examples
 the room at any time which is stressful for everybody.
In addition
,
dream
Correct article usage
the dream
show examples
 of buying a home not only has a positive impact but
also
 a negative,
due to
 which demand, property prices have skyrocketed, making low salaries in individuals unlikely to afford a
house
 pushing them homeless or into a rented
house
, a major concern for authorities
for example
 data published by you and state that really millions of citizens become homeless and the affordability forces to remain in depression
due to
this
 trend,it can be taken as
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 development.
To conclude
 it's always a dream for everybody to claim ownership of a
house
 for shelter ,freedom and security which fails to happen in a rented home apart from the demand for the property , very high making it impossible for
lower -income
Correct your spelling
lower-income
show examples
 people
forcing
Wrong verb form
force
show examples
 them to be homeless which can be taken as a negative development.
Submitted by piratijaiswal1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay. Some ideas and sentences seem to be placed randomly, making it hard to follow the argument.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples to substantiate your points. This will add depth and credibility to your argument.
grammar vocabulary
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity. For example, the sentence structures could be varied to avoid repetition.
coherence cohesion
Separate your ideas into distinct paragraphs to make your essay more readable and organized.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
You covered both positive and negative aspects of homeownership versus renting, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The main idea is clear and relevant to the topic, which is essential for a good task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: