The government should sometimes infringe on peoples' freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
With the increasing number of disorders including car accidents or extreme injuries, tons of people have voiced that the control of the government should be
more
reinforced. Correct quantifier usage
apply
While
there are still a significant number of people who assert that freedom
should be prioritized over any other factors, but
I wholeheartedly agree with the necessity of Correct word choice
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
govermental
intervention for Correct your spelling
government
overall
social security.
Objectors of this
idea argue that the violation of freedom
can not be allowed in any situations
. They think that it should be regarded as more important than public safety in a democratic Fix the agreement mistake
situation
society
. In reality, according to
a
research in the United States, two-thirds of Americans support that their individual choices are more precious than the majority’s gain. Remove the article
apply
This
survey reveals that some people highlight personal freedom
the most.
However
, I firmly believe that the violation of individual freedom
can be acceptable to some extent if it is trully
for public security. In today’s interconnected Correct your spelling
truly
society
, we need to respect and make an order to live together. The random alcool
tests for pilots and bus drivers may be one example Correct your spelling
alcohol
for
Change preposition
of
this
. They have to be randomly and unexpectedly tested to check their alcool
consumption for passengers. As Correct your spelling
alcohol
this
example clearly shows, everyone should embrace the invation
of their Correct your spelling
innovation
invasion
invitation
freedom
from the government for entire
Add an article
the entire
an entire
society
.
To sum up
, it is integral that we should accept the governmental intervention even though the disagreement for this
opinion also
offers valid
interpretation. Add an article
a valid
This
national action can ensure that our society
is well managed in a methodical way.Submitted by jb22809467 on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, consider improving the transitions between paragraphs and ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
Work on developing ideas more fully to ensure clarity and depth in your arguments. Use more examples and elaborate on the points introduced.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt fully, giving both sides of the argument before stating a clear position.
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