The government should sometimes infringe on peoples' freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #peoples #freedom #security #society

With the increasing number of disorders including car accidents or extreme injuries, tons of people have voiced that the control of the government should be

Correct quantifier usage

apply

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reinforced.

While

there are still a significant number of people who assert that

freedom

should be prioritized over any other factors,

but

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I wholeheartedly agree with the necessity of

the

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apply

show examples

govermental

Correct your spelling

government

intervention for

overall

social security. Objectors of

this

idea argue that the violation of

freedom

can not be allowed in any

situations

Fix the agreement mistake

situation

show examples

. They think that it should be regarded as more important than public safety in a democratic

society

. In reality,

according to

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research in the United States, two-thirds of Americans support that their individual choices are more precious than the majority’s gain.

This

survey reveals that some people highlight personal

freedom

the most.

However

, I firmly believe that the violation of individual

freedom

can be acceptable to some extent if it is

trully

Correct your spelling

truly

for public security. In today’s interconnected

society

, we need to respect and make an order to live together. The random

alcool

Correct your spelling

alcohol

show examples

tests for pilots and bus drivers may be one example

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

. They have to be randomly and unexpectedly tested to check their

alcool

Correct your spelling

alcohol

show examples

consumption for passengers. As

this

example clearly shows, everyone should embrace the

invation

Correct your spelling

innovation

invasion

invitation

of their

freedom

from the government for

entire

Add an article

the entire

an entire

show examples

society

To sum up

, it is integral that we should accept the governmental intervention even though the disagreement for

this

opinion

also

offers

valid

Add an article

a valid

show examples

interpretation.

This

national action can ensure that our

society

is well managed in a methodical way.

Submitted by jb22809467 on Sun Jul 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

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task achievement

Work on developing ideas more fully to ensure clarity and depth in your arguments. Use more examples and elaborate on the points introduced.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.

task achievement

The response addresses the prompt fully, giving both sides of the argument before stating a clear position.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The government should sometimes infringe on peoples' freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is more important for the government to spend money on promoting the healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than on the treatment of people who are really ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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