IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Write about the following topic: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #countries #money #poverty #aid
To reduce the gap
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 wealthy and poor
countries
, developed
countries
 help the poor ones by sending
money
.
However
,
this
 is only scratching the surface of the problem without solving it. In my opinion, wealthy
countries
 should not provide
money
 but other kinds of help to those
countries
 which are not well-developed yet. The reasons will be listed in the paragraphs below. Primarily, the reason why poor
countries
poor
Add a missing verb
are poor
show examples
 is education. People with adequate knowledge
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 better decisions and could learn more skills.
Therefore
,
instead
 of giving
money
, Wealthy
countries
 could build more schools to help undeveloped
countries
 enhance their ability. The other important part is developing their own industries. Take farming as an example, poor
countries
 need experts who can help them analyze if their land is suitable for
cultivate
Replace the word
cultivation
show examples
 and which
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of plants can grow on their
lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land
show examples
. By learning
those
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 basic knowledge, they can
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
 the first step of earning
money
 by themselves. In conclusion,
money
 is useful but education and knowledge are the tools for people in poor
countries
 to build a financial dependency of their own. Teaching people in poor
countries
 the rules of the world helps them participate in it.
Submitted by funfunchiu on

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task achievement
The essay should include more specific examples to support the main points. In the paragraph about education, you could mention how building schools and education programs have impacted specific countries positively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer logical structure. The second body paragraph would be stronger if it started with a topic sentence that clearly states a main argument, such as: 'Another critical area where assistance is needed is in the development of local industries.'
overall
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it, which sets a good foundation for the essay.
overall
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates the importance of education and knowledge as solutions to poverty.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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