IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #price #foods
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
people
 are becoming seriously fat. Some
people
 know that the value increase of fattening
foods
 will tackle
this
 issue.The
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
principal reasons are twofold. I partly
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
 perception
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
foods
 are becoming expensive.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 very high-calorie
foods
 that rise of overweigh rates and grow
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
fatality
Change to a plural noun
fatalities
show examples
.If it were not expensive,we would not have been plump,
besides
,we would not have balanced longevity rates.Given that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
can care
Wrong verb form
cares
show examples
 about
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they had better expand
products'
Correct article usage
the products'
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
People
 curb to eat
high-nutrious
Correct your spelling
high-nutritious
high-nutrient
foods
 by virtue of
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 want not to splash out.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
decreases
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
foods'
Change noun form
foods
show examples
 percentage that
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
green
Correct article usage
the green
show examples
 movement and we
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 sustainable development. When they
would
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not eat
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much,they
extended
Wrong verb form
extend
show examples
 their life expectancy.
However
,l partly disagree that
fall
Change preposition
with fall
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 production of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily needs,poor population suffer from starvation on a daily basis.It
also
 causes mortality degree can grow among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans.
As a result
,individuals can easily
prone
Add a missing verb
be prone
show examples
 to
other epedimic disease
Change the wording
another epedimic disease
other epedimic diseases
show examples
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
athma
Correct your spelling
asthma
,anaemia and
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
lowest
Correct word choice
a weak
show examples
 immune system.
This
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they can not consume enough food .If they are not able to eat
sufficently
Correct your spelling
sufficiently
,they will need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more calories and vitamins. In a nutshell,we need to eat normally and
balace
Correct your spelling
balance
digest
Replace the word
digestive
show examples
 system.There is nothing better than
people
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
show examples
 their healthy diet by themselves and
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 had better impose many rules about
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of fattening
foods
 that reduce
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of deaths.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction contains a clearer thesis statement reflecting your overall stance.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, reflecting a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
You use a range of vocabulary to express your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
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