Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?

It is argued that the ideal method of nurturing children is for
parents
to be obliged to have a allowing their kids whatever they want to
to
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
.
This
essay will
proposal
Replace the word
propose
show examples
regard of the consequences when they grow up. I
strongly
Add a missing verb
am strongly
show examples
concerned
that
Change preposition
about
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several factors if they have to choose
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
in the future.
To begin
with, there are many families
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
one child or none because those
parents
want to live for themselves in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is successful high society and
enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
show examples
money, including property. Obviously, those
parents
tend to
focused
Change the verb
focus
show examples
on education
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
good marks at school
instead
desire to
being
Change the verb
be
show examples
good human nature. Naturally, many younger
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
grow up without any shortage and any punishment from their
parents
who do not think it is rude to make a noise to others. Namely, it is
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
to our society in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
future in terms of several aspects. To illustrate, in
korea
Change the capitalization
Korea
show examples
, recently myriad teachers of elementary
struggle
Replace the word
struggled
show examples
with
infringement
Correct article usage
the infringement
show examples
of teaching authority from their students.
Secondly
, our society should be
alertness
Replace the word
alert
show examples
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
impatient students can not
be control
Change the verb form
be controlled
show examples
by themself:they become a person who are
materialism
Replace the word
materialistic
show examples
and a pleasure seeker
such
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
game addict and bluff. Because they do not receive
a
Change the article
an
show examples
education from
parens
Correct your spelling
parents
show examples
to
perseverance
Replace the word
persevere
show examples
and hold their own against challenges. In
nutshell
Add an article
a nutshell
show examples
, Having
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
children
need to
Verb problem
requires
show examples
several crucial things, which kind of personality education at the same time they should
do
Verb problem
be
show examples
obliged to become
a rigorous
Correct the article-noun agreement
rigorous parents
a rigorous parent
show examples
parents
such
as helping the underprivileged,
rescue of
Replace the word
rescuing
show examples
abandoned dogs for these younger a man worship
Submitted by tsuchi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and redundancy. Focus on concise and clear expression.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows well from one to the next.
task achievement
Strengthen your examples and reasonings to be more relevant and specific to support your points better.
task achievement
Clarify your main points and ensure that each one is fully developed.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question and attempts to discuss both why parents might spoil their children and the possible consequences.
task achievement
There is an attempt to provide real-world examples, such as the situation in Korea with teachers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
What to do next:
Look at other essays: