IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #travel #countries #pleasure #believe #impact
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays it is a common practice for tourists to travel abroad to relax and have fun,
however
Linking Words
, some argue that
this
Linking Words
 tendency has some detrimental effects on those
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 aforementioned statement since
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
tourism
Use synonyms
 in certain countries will foster their economic progressions and encourage them to invest
money
Use synonyms
 in public facilities to attract even more
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of
tourism
Use synonyms
 directly affects to economic conditions of various states. Obviously,
people
Use synonyms
 who travel abroad will
also
Linking Words
 spend huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 on the provided
services
Use synonyms
 which significantly
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
 to the GDP of those countries. In
additon
Correct your spelling
addition
, focusing on the growth of
Use synonyms
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 sector within the states will create more job opportunities for local
people
Use synonyms
, which will lead to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 unemployment rate.
For example
Linking Words
, there are numerous places in the world
such
Linking Words
 as Greece, Turkey, Brazil, and so on, that are renowned for their exquisite locations that attract
people
Use synonyms
 from all across the globe. When we analyze their revenue, we come to the conclusion that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is their main source of income during the year and
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 part of their GDP growth.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in order to increase the number of tourists
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 to
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
, authorities
also
Linking Words
 need to consider releasing some funds to improve the quality of
services
Use synonyms
 offered in those particular regions. They
also
Linking Words
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
erect additional infrastructures
such
Linking Words
 as hotels,
shopping
Correct word choice
and shopping
show examples
 malls, both to cover the needs of travellers and encourage them to splash out more
money
Use synonyms
 on available goods and
services
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 steps will make tourists more satisfied with their whole experience and have long
lasting
Correct word choice
long-lasting
show examples
 impression on the country which might stimulate them to visit those locations one more time.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of
tourism
Use synonyms
 in certain countries will only
expede
Correct your spelling
expedite
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth and motivate them to invest more
money
Use synonyms
 in public infrastructures that help them provide better
services
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Narmin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

writing
Try to refine some of your sentence structures and word choices to make your argument even clearer. For example, 'obviously' can be omitted to maintain a formal tone.
grammar
Make sure to double-check for minor typos and grammatical errors, such as 'additon' which should be 'addition' and 'expede' which should be 'expedite'.
content
You have a strong introduction and conclusion which clearly state your position on the topic, contributing to coherence and cohesion.
content
Your essay provides relevant examples and elaborates on how tourism can positively affect the economy and infrastructure of host countries.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural exchanges
  • Global connections
  • Tourism boosts
  • Local economy
  • Over-tourism
  • Environmental degradation
  • Landmarks
  • Commodification of culture
  • Authentic cultural expressions
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Tourism infrastructure
  • Public services
  • Disrespect local customs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: