Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
There are
people
in certain regions prefer
herbal therapy rather than getting Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
treatments
from medical experts these days. I think this
is a negative development since they are not sufficiently backed by scientific basis and not professionally supervised by certified professionals in medics.
One major drawback of choosing alternative treatments
instead
of visiting paramedics is the lack of support by
scientists' academic research. In fact, it is necessary to treat patients based on medical research in order to provide the correct medicines to cure illnesses. A good example of Change preposition
from
this
is a cupping method to cure headaches in Indonesia. Although
there are no scientific approvals regarding this
traditional cupping method, the
Indonesians who live in isolated areas Correct article usage
apply
tended
to believe the effectiveness of cupping Wrong verb form
tend
treatments
to cure headaches due to
being told from
Change preposition
by
the
ancestors. Change the word
their
Therefore
, there are
no guarantee that those kinds of alternative Change the verb form
is
treatments
could detect the root cause of their disease.
Furthermore
, traditional medicines are not performed by a certified professional, nor
a Correct word choice
or
highly-skilled
practitioner. Correct your spelling
highly skilled
This
is because some of the therapists are mainly the elders or the prominent people
chosen by the communities. To illustrate, in secluded villages, local leaderships
are those who Replace the word
leaders
trusted
by societies Add a missing verb
are trusted
in curing
sickness. Change preposition
to cure
This
believe
, Replace the word
belief
however
, is simply based on years of experience that the local leaders have, without considering whether one had obtained an actual qualification related to health. As a result
, since the procedures are done by non-professionals, there might be no significant improvements regarding their patients' condition.
In conclusion, a rising population of people
choosing traditional therapies nowadays, in exchange of
scientific medical Change preposition
for
treatments
, tend to be the
Correct article usage
a
signs
of negative developments. Fix the agreement mistake
sign
This
indicates that,
there is an escalating number of Remove the comma
apply
people
who do not recognize the importance of scientific research in terms of medical treatments
, nor the presence of professional paramedics in terms of addressing health issues.Submitted by michellyonggo on
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task achievement
Try to elaborate more clearly on the reasons why alternative treatments are seen as a negative development. You can expand on the possible consequences of not seeing certified professionals.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are awkwardly structured, making your argument hard to follow at times. Consider revising for clarity and conciseness.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that sets out the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will make your structure more apparent to the reader.
task achievement
Your task response is generally complete, and you have identified specific reasons why alternative medicines could be seen as a negative development.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples that support your main points well.
coherence cohesion
You included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in giving your essay a complete structure.