Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development

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There are

people

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in certain regions

prefer

Correct pronoun usage

who prefer

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herbal therapy rather than getting

treatments

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from medical experts these days. I think

this

Linking Words

is a negative development since they are not sufficiently backed by scientific basis and not professionally supervised by certified professionals in medics. One major drawback of choosing alternative

treatments

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instead

Linking Words

of visiting paramedics is the lack of support

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from

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scientists' academic research. In fact, it is necessary to treat patients based on medical research in order to provide the correct medicines to cure illnesses. A good example of

this

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is a cupping method to cure headaches in Indonesia.

Although

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there are no scientific approvals regarding

this

Linking Words

traditional cupping method,

the

Correct article usage

apply

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Indonesians who live in isolated areas

tended

Wrong verb form

tend

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to believe the effectiveness of cupping

treatments

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to cure headaches

due to

Linking Words

being told

from

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show examples

the

Change the word

their

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ancestors.

Therefore

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, there

are

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no guarantee that those kinds of alternative

treatments

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could detect the root cause of their disease.

Furthermore

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, traditional medicines are not performed by a certified professional,

nor

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highly-skilled

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highly skilled

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practitioner.

This

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is because some of the therapists are mainly the elders or the prominent

people

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chosen by the communities. To illustrate, in secluded villages, local

leaderships

Replace the word

leaders

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are those who

trusted

Add a missing verb

are trusted

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by societies

in curing

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to cure

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sickness.

This

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believe

Replace the word

belief

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however

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, is simply based on years of experience that the local leaders have, without considering whether one had obtained an actual qualification related to health.

As a result

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, since the procedures are done by non-professionals, there might be no significant improvements regarding their patients' condition. In conclusion, a rising population of

people

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choosing traditional therapies nowadays, in exchange

Change preposition

for

show examples

scientific medical

treatments

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, tend to be

the

Correct article usage

show examples

signs

Fix the agreement mistake

sign

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of negative developments.

This

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indicates that

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apply

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there is an escalating number of

people

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who do not recognize the importance of scientific research in terms of medical

treatments

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, nor the presence of professional paramedics in terms of addressing health issues.

Submitted by michellyonggo on Sun Jul 07 2024

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task achievement

Try to elaborate more clearly on the reasons why alternative treatments are seen as a negative development. You can expand on the possible consequences of not seeing certified professionals.

coherence cohesion

Some sentences are awkwardly structured, making your argument hard to follow at times. Consider revising for clarity and conciseness.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that sets out the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will make your structure more apparent to the reader.

task achievement

Your task response is generally complete, and you have identified specific reasons why alternative medicines could be seen as a negative development.

task achievement

You have used relevant examples that support your main points well.

coherence cohesion

You included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in giving your essay a complete structure.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

311 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

alternative medicines
treatments
positive development
negative development
health problems
usual doctor
access
personalized approach
holistic well-being
lack of regulation
evidence-based research
proper medical treatment

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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In many countries, a financial crime involving identity theft is increasing. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it identity theft has on the victims involved?

With all the problems in the world today, spending money on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other causes. To what extent do you agree with this view?