IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about the problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
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It is true that hunger worldwide still persists despite the fact that there are many developments in
the
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apply
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agriculture.
Few
Correct article usage
A few
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 reasons for
food
 scarcity is because of
climate
 change and
also
conflicts
 within the nations and there are few solutions available for these causes
such
 as sustainable agricultural practices and cooperation from international organizations. One of the reasons people face
food
shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
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 is because of
climate
 change.
Climate
 variety and extreme weather events
such
 as floods, droughts and storms can severely impact
food
 productivity. Small-scale farmers, who do not have
resources
Correct article usage
the resources
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 to adapt, are particularly vulnerable.
For instance
,
due to
 prolonged drought, some countries in Africa face famine. Not only that, the other reason is conflict. Regions involved in
conflicts
 and political
instabilty
Correct your spelling
instability
 can often face
food
 production shortages. To be specific, civil wars and
conflicts
 can disrupt
the
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apply
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agricultural activities, population displacement and hinder humanitarian aid.
For instance
,
due to
 the Israel-Hamas war, millions of people are on the brink of famine because of no access to
food
. Addressing hunger requires a comprehensive approach. Government should promote sustainable agricultural practices to enhance resilience to
climate
 changes, conserve natural resources and improve
food
 productivity.
Government
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The government
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 can implement new rules to regulate the use of fertilizer, which can reduce the soil quality and fertility and
thus
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
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the
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food
 productivity if used excessively.
In addition
, cooperation and coordination among governments, NGOs and international organizations are crucial for addressing
food
 scarcity and ensuring equitable access to
food
 resources. In conclusion, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 reasons for
food
 disruption
such
 as
climate
 changes and
conflicts
 within regions and can be solved with
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 sustainable agricultural developments and
interternational
Correct your spelling
international
 organizations.
Submitted by coke_sars on

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task achievement
Expand on your points to give more depth to your arguments. For instance, elaborate on how sustainable agricultural practices can specifically counteract the effects of climate change.
coherence cohesion
You can improve coherence by better linking your paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases or clauses to show the relationship between ideas clearly.
task achievement
Your essay contains relevant and specific examples, which strengthen your arguments. For example, mentioning the impact of prolonged drought in Africa and the Israel-Hamas conflict effectively underscores your point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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