IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people around the world are choosing move to live in cities. What problems do people experience in big cities? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller towns?

#people #world #move #cities #governments #towns
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Over the past few decades,moving to large
cities
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 has risen dramatically in the world.Based on research,over %20 of
population
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the population
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 are changing their life place and deciding to live in huge
cities
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.
It is clear that
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people
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 who have immigrated to bigger
cities
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 may face some problems.
This
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 essay will look at these significant difficulties which need to be tackled urgently and
also
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 I will draw my conclusion about
government
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 solutions. Let's begin by looking at some problems of moving to developed
cities
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 in the world.One of the main issues is that the expenses of living in capital
cities
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 are higher than in small towns.Generally speaking,the cost of renting a house,monthly charges and transportation are considerably more than in small
cities
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.Another notable trouble is that
people
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 might have been far away from their families for a long time.It is considered that the community who has immigrated to developed areas may get depressed
due to
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 the high range of expenditure and distance for ages. Turning to the side of the solutions,to tackle
this
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 issue,the
government
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 should provide new job opportunities in small regions in order to decrease the number of immigrants to central towns.If the
government
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 produce valuable facilities for
people
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 who live in the suburbs,the majority of
population
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the population
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 will stay in their own city.
Moreover
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,Not only can the
government
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 decrease the number of communities in big
cities
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,but
also
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 they can improve the unemployment rate in other areas.
To conclude
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,
people
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 who tend to live in large
cities
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 may witness some problems
such
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 as high rate of costs and distance.
As a result
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,these issues will remain unchanged unless
government
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 bring in some rules and make changes.
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task achievement
To improve task response, consider providing more specific examples and details about the problems faced by people moving to big cities. This will make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring that your paragraphs are well-connected with clear transitions between ideas. This will make your essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Proofreading your work can help to catch these issues and improve the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear conclusion, which helps to frame the overall argument.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported, making your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay provides a good balance between identifying problems and suggesting solutions, ensuring a thorough coverage of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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