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Band 4.5

With a growing population, many people believe that we should focus on producing more GM food. What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this?

#population #people #focus #gm #food
These days, a massive issue is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overpopulation
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 has an effect
in
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on
show examples
 the source of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food, so a group of people think we ought to focus on producing more
GM
foods
.
However
, they are some
benefites
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
GM
foods
,
I
Correct word choice
but I
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still believe that these cannot overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand,
GM
foods
 which have been
altering
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altered
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 in their DNA have several merits which can help society.
Firstly
, we can
increasing
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increase
be increasing
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 the number of
manufactures
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manufacturers
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by
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in
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this
 way.
For instance
, the real
vegetables
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vegetable
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 seeds in one region have 100 Kg
products
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of products
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, yet alternative seeds in the same districts have more than 500 Kg
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of foods
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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.
Secondly
, these products
Add a missing verb
are resistance
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resistance
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resistant
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from
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to
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 bad soil and weather;
moreover
, the time that are fresh is the longest.
On the other hand
,
GM
 dishes have various bad points.
initialy
Correct your spelling
Initially
, most of the time these dishes
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not real taste and people prefer to buy real things which
costly
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are costly
show examples
instead
 of them. To illustrate,
the
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apply
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GM
 rice
is taste
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tastes
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 less;
thereafter
, Asian inhabitants
preference
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prefer
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using
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for using
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 our rice
that
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apply
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is
flaver
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flavour
.
Also
, another thing
these
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is these
show examples
foods
 have a bad result in our
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
health
due to
 the fact our body
accept
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accepts
show examples
 some DNA;
nertheless
Correct your spelling
nevertheless
,
GM
 food
that
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apply
show examples
has
change
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changed
show examples
 in their DNA;
as a result
, our body cannot
ackonowledge
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
this
 thing;
besides
, it
defend
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defends
show examples
 itself
frome
Correct your spelling
from
this
 and we feel ill.
To conclude
,
GM
foods
 help
governmants
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governments
government
 to solve the
famin
Correct your spelling
famine
 matter;
although
, the demerits of
these food
Change the determiner
this food
show examples
 can
eclpse
Correct your spelling
eclipse
 the good point because
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 dishes are not good goods for global citizens.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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General
To enhance the quality of your essay, focus on improving sentence structure and grammar. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and develop it with specific details. Avoid vague statements and support your points with precise examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will make your essay easier to read and understand.
task achievement
You provided relevant points for both the advantages and disadvantages of GM foods, showcasing your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The introduction and conclusion were both present, summarizing your stance on the topic effectively.
General
Your essay addresses the prompt directly and covers the requirements of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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