IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that what children watch influences their behavior. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behavior most. Discuss both views and qive your opinion.

#people #children #influences #behavior #amount #time #television #qive
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Children are the bank seat of paper how they
will
Verb problem
are
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influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will show in their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals believe that
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of time
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
television
 influences their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, but I believe what they watch shows their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. There are various points
negative
Change preposition
of negative
show examples
 impact
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the amount of
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
spends
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
.
Firstly
,
due to
 long exposure
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
television
Add a comma
television,
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 their mental and physical
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 will
destroy
Wrong verb form
be destroyed
show examples
.
For example
, one research from
Correct article usage
the America
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America association
Correct your spelling
American Association
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 of
ophthalmologist
Fix the agreement mistake
Ophthalmologists
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 shows that more than 50%
urban
Change preposition
of urban
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 area kids have eye problems (refractive error, dry eyes)
who
Correct word choice
and
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spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
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 more time in indoor activities (watching
television
, laptop)compared to
rular
Correct your spelling
rural
 areas.Not only eye problems nowadays most of the
baby
Fix the agreement mistake
babies
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 are showing mental illness symptoms ( aggressive,
anxious
Replace the word
anxiety
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, headache).
On the other hand
,what they are exploring
directly
Add a missing verb
is directly
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 proportional to their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. They will
learns
Change the verb form
learn
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 good habits and show great
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
,even though they watch 2 4 hours a day if they are watching good videos and shows.
For instance
, one great physiologist said
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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give me a dog I will send
back
Correct pronoun usage
it back
show examples
 by making a human within a few years. Another psychologist
albert
Change the capitalization
Albert
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 developed a social learning theory in which he explains that children imitate each other because they observe the actions of each other. In conclusion,there are many negative impacts of spending more time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
television
 but
I
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 my opinion, what they are watching play a significant role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Submitted by cerjanaacharya.18 on

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task achievement
You've clearly stated your opinion, which is a great practice for Task 2 essays. It's essential to make your standpoint known to the reader.
task achievement
You've used examples and references to research, which make your arguments more credible and compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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