There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some believe that non-academic subjects such as physical, and cookery education should be removed from the school syllabus so that the children can concentrate on academic work.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
students
are under great pressure to secure good grades to achieve high positions. Consequently
, few people say that vocational subjects like sports and cooking should be eliminated from their schedule. So, they can focus on their academic studies
only. However
, I am not in favor
because Change the spelling
favour
such
type
of Correct article usage
a type
education
is as important as academic education
. Because it gives a break to kids and enjoy as well and at the meantime
one can learn good Add a comma
meantime,
skills
that are useful in their future as well. I will discuss this
in detail in the essay below.
Firstly
, due to
competition in every sector, it is hard for students
to be admitted to their desired universities. Therefore
, many people says
that it is important for them to give proper concentration towards their academic Change the verb form
say
studies
only. But that is
not true, since the brain needs a break as well if they are continuously focusing on academic studies
only they become exhausted which will lead them to mental health problems. To avoid that issue it is beneficial to arrange sub-sports activities because the caliber
of all Change the spelling
calibre
students
is not the same, some are good at studies
and others are good at games so it is advantageous to polish their skills
. So, they can make their career in sports and gain success in that also
. For example
, Imran Khan is a good sportsman along he has shown excellent skills
in academic
as well.
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
Secondly
, cooking skills
is
so important these days as most Change the verb form
are
of
Change preposition
apply
students
are moving abroad. It is as important as education
because if person
Correct article usage
a person
eat
healthy he remains healthy and can remain fit. So, can focus on their task actively. They don't rely on anyone for their basic needs and can cook whatever they want. To be honest, without health, there is nothing a famous saying Change the verb form
eats
that is
health is great wealth one one
can learn about nutrition and keep their selves healthy.
In conclusion, Remove the redundancy
apply
although
academic studies
are important but
we can not deny the advantages of vocational Remove the conjunction
apply
education
. it is as important as academics.Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on
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task achievement
The essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can hinder understanding. Consider revising for clarity and fluency.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that there are smooth transitions between paragraphs. This will help improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant examples to support the main points, which strengthens the argument and makes it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, with the latter summarizing the main points effectively.