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Band 0.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care systems in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem to introduce more physical educational lesson in school curriculum. to what extent do u agree or disagree?

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People
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 idea that the best way to fix the problem of overweight
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is to have
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
physical education classes in schools. I strongly agree that physical education will help overweight
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to be more healthy. Morning
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise

If you don’t want excercise to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

like stretching and letting the
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 choose their own sports at school.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 track and field,boxing,basketball and many more physical activities. I
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 conclude that all schools should add physical education.

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task achievement
Expand your introduction to give a better context of the issue at hand. Mention the growing number of overweight people and the strain on healthcare systems more clearly.
task achievement
Develop your main points further by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, explain how specific activities like stretching and sports can address the issue of obesity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you have a proper conclusion that reinforces all the discussed points rather than just summarizing your opinion briefly.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. This will make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
task achievement
Your intention is clear, and you have touched on important aspects such as physical education and various sports.
task achievement
You have expressed your opinion clearly and provided a concise conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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