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Band 5.5

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be byeee to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #university #guarantee #job #byeee #work
People have different views about whether getting a
degree
 is a better way to start before you
are going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
work
 or going straight into
work
 and gaining experience.
While
 going straight to
work
 is sometimes useful in life, I believe that getting a
degree
 in university is more important. On the one hand, if you study, you will improve your knowledge about everything you want to
work
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
. Some
jobs
 require you to have good information, like a doctor; you can't be a doctor without studying. A lot of skills you will be able to gain during the lectures, like research and solving problems. When you
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 graduated, you are ready for
jobs
 that require good knowledge and good information. Getting a
degree
 improves your resume for application to
jobs
; some
jobs
 need a good
degree
 in university. Your chance of getting good
work
 and a good salary is only by a
degree
.
On the other hand
, when you start at a young age to
work
, you can easily improve and get better. Some
work
 does not require a lot of knowledge to be good at, like blacksmithing and carpentry. You gain years of experience, and you can improve your career and get better and better.
While
 you are moving around
jobs
, you will increase your relationships and have a lot of friends during your
work
; they may lead you to better
jobs
. In conclusion, I can understand why people might want to go straight to
work
. But it seems to me that getting a
degree
 is better for people's lives.
Submitted by ijaly4 on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on specific examples to support your points. Concrete examples help in making your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Work on using a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures to enhance the complexity and sophistication of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within ideas to improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and try to use more advanced grammatical structures.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and covers both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear frame to your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a good logical structure in your essay, with distinct paragraphs for different points of view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialized knowledge
  • positions of responsibility
  • career growth
  • academic achievements
  • dedication
  • discipline
  • practical skills
  • industry
  • financial independence
  • on-the-job training
  • networking
  • theoretical knowledge
  • higher education
  • career advancement
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