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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.
#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years
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The two pie charts give information about
rates
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
adult
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
use to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
watch
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 in Canada in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2009 and 2019 .
Overall
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
beinging
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the
period
Use synonyms
, the
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
Add an article
an adult
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 watching
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
conventional
TV
Use synonyms
 was the highest
while
Linking Words
,
Add an article
the tablet
a tablet
show examples
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the smallest rate.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
, the
rates
Use synonyms
 of grown
people
Use synonyms
 watching
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
conventional dropped dramatically and became the lowest, at the same time flat-screen
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 and mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the largest. In 2009, the
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
adults
Change preposition
of adults
show examples
 watching
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
convenional
Correct your spelling
conventional
TV
Use synonyms
 was 34% and the
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
plummetd
Correct your spelling
plummeted
plummet
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
 and
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the lowest rate at 4%.
However
Linking Words
, by the
beginging
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the
period
Use synonyms
, the
rates
Use synonyms
 of grown
people
Use synonyms
 watching on
Correct article usage
a lapttop
show examples
lapttop
Correct your spelling
laptop
laptops
 and desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 were at 20% and 18%
respectivley
Correct your spelling
respectively
. By 2019 the percentage of
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 watching on laptop and desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased slightly and
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 12% each. The
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 watching on
tbalet
Correct your spelling
tablet
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the
loewst
Correct your spelling
lowest
 at 5% in 2009,
by
Correct word choice
and by
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
beome
Correct your spelling
before
become
 the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
therid
Correct your spelling
third
 most
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
. In fact, in 2009 the
rates
Use synonyms
 of grown
people
Use synonyms
watiching
Correct your spelling
watching
 on mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and flat screen
Use synonyms
tv
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
 were 15% and 8% respectively. By 2019 the
rates
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 watching
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and flat-screen
Use synonyms
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 were the highest at around 27% each .
Submitted by ijaly4 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words rates, adult, people, tv, period with synonyms.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • 18 to 25 age group
  • devices
  • watch television
  • Canada
  • comparison
  • shift
  • preferences
  • mobile devices
  • traditional televisions
  • technological advancements
  • television viewing habits
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