Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their parent. Other believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.
The
children
indeeed
are the next Correct your spelling
indeed
genertation
of our society. Some believe that Correct your spelling
generation
toddlers
should be with their parents
when they have any free time
while
others say that this
is irrevelant
and brings more Correct your spelling
irrelevant
neagtive
detrimental effects to Correct your spelling
negative
children
. This
esaay
discusses both Correct your spelling
essay
viewpoint
and I strongly agree with the Change to a plural noun
viewpoints
formmer
opinion for the following reasons.
On the one hand, Correct your spelling
former
children
should spend all of their free time
with their parents
because it protects infants from any bad incidents, they are the
very little persons and they can easily Correct article usage
apply
being
Verb problem
become
a
Correct article usage
apply
victim
of any bad incidents, so Fix the agreement mistake
victims
parents
always keep with
them when they have free Correct pronoun usage
them with
time
without going outside. This
means, many
illegal Correct word choice
that many
activities
are happened
around society, especially Wrong verb form
happening
child
abuse, so infants do not go outside and stay with their family members in their spare time
. For example
, when a child
affcets
Correct your spelling
experiences
child
abuse and being
a victim, which Wrong verb form
is
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
affects
psychologically, Wrong verb form
affected
hence
, toddlers
should avooid
Correct your spelling
avoid
go to
outside alone when they have free Wrong verb form
going
time
and they should be with thier
mothers and fathers.
Correct your spelling
their
On the other hand
, child
Add an article
the child
a child
is
being with Unnecessary verb
apply
parents
all of spare
period is not a good thing for Add an article
the spare
children
's future because it affects their cognitive development, which free time
only they have to think about other extra activities
like playing. This
means,
Remove the comma
apply
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
time
of
Change preposition
apply
children
always to
do some other Fix the infinitive
apply
activities
in order to improve their mental and knowledge instead
of spending time
with their parents
. For instance
, numerous children
Change noun form
children's
activities
classes are opened
in all cities, Replace the word
open
that
Correct word choice
and
classess
Correct your spelling
classes
are only focus
Change the verb form
are only focused
are only focusing
for
Change preposition
on
infants
spare periods, after finishing school Change noun form
infants'
infant's
time
. Henceforth, children
should not be with their parents
when they have relaxation time
because it is unnecessary along
with
it creates more negative effects Change preposition
apply
to
Change preposition
on
child's
future.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
the child's
although
, toddlers
should spend all of thier
relaxation Correct your spelling
their
time
with their mothers and fathers on the grounds it avoids being victims of the child
abuses
, society is not safe for Fix the agreement mistake
abuse
children
, so they should not go outside, spending
spare Wrong verb form
spend
time
with their parents
which can affect toddlers's
Remove the s
toddlers'
congitive
development. Correct your spelling
cognitive
However
, in my opinion, about this
, children
should be with thier
Correct your spelling
their
parents
in spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
times
in order to they can feel safe.Fix the agreement mistake
time
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but can be clearer and more concise. Consider summarizing the main points more effectively in these sections.
task achievement
While your response addresses both sides of the argument, it's essential to develop the ideas more fully. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support each point.
general
There are frequent grammatical errors and misspellings. Review your work to improve accuracy, and consider practicing grammar exercises to minimize these issues.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using clear transition words and phrases to connect the main points and supporting ideas better.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which is a crucial aspect of the task response.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that summarizes your position, which is an important element of essay structure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?