Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their parent. Other believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#people #children #time #parent #arguments #side #support

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The

children

Use synonyms

indeeed

Correct your spelling

indeed

are the next

genertation

Correct your spelling

generation

of our society. Some believe that

toddlers

Use synonyms

should be with their

parents

Use synonyms

when they have any free

time

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

others say that

this

Linking Words

irrevelant

Correct your spelling

irrelevant

and brings more

neagtive

Correct your spelling

negative

detrimental effects to

children

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

esaay

Correct your spelling

essay

discusses both

viewpoint

Change to a plural noun

viewpoints

show examples

and I strongly agree with the

formmer

Correct your spelling

former

opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,

children

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should spend all of their free

time

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with their

parents

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because it protects infants from any bad incidents, they are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

very little persons and they can easily

being

Verb problem

become

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

victim

Fix the agreement mistake

victims

show examples

of any bad incidents, so

parents

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always keep

with

Correct pronoun usage

them with

show examples

them when they have free

time

Use synonyms

without going outside.

This

Linking Words

means,

many

Correct word choice

that many

show examples

illegal

activities

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are

happened

Wrong verb form

happening

show examples

around society, especially

child

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abuse, so infants do not go outside and stay with their family members in their spare

time

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For example

Linking Words

, when a

child

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affcets

Correct your spelling

experiences

child

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abuse and

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

a victim, which

she

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

affects

Wrong verb form

affected

show examples

psychologically,

hence

Linking Words

toddlers

Use synonyms

should

avooid

Correct your spelling

avoid

go to

Wrong verb form

going

show examples

outside alone when they have free

time

Use synonyms

and they should be with

thier

Correct your spelling

their

mothers and fathers.

On the other hand

Linking Words

Use synonyms

child

Add an article

the child

a child

show examples

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

being with

parents

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all of

spare

Add an article

the spare

show examples

period is not a good thing for

children

Use synonyms

's future because it affects their cognitive development, which free

time

Use synonyms

only they have to think about other extra

activities

Use synonyms

like playing.

This

Linking Words

means

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

spare

Correct pronoun usage

their spare

show examples

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

always

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

do some other

activities

Use synonyms

in order to improve their mental and knowledge

instead

Linking Words

of spending

time

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with their

parents

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, numerous

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

activities

Use synonyms

classes are

opened

Replace the word

open

show examples

in all cities,

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

classess

Correct your spelling

classes

are only focus

Change the verb form

are only focused

are only focusing

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

infants

Change noun form

infants'

infant's

show examples

spare periods, after finishing school

time

Use synonyms

. Henceforth,

children

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should not be with their

parents

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when they have relaxation

time

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because it is unnecessary

along

Linking Words

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

it creates more negative effects

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

child's

Correct article usage

the child's

show examples

future. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

toddlers

Use synonyms

should spend all of

thier

Correct your spelling

their

relaxation

time

Use synonyms

with their mothers and fathers on the grounds it avoids being victims of the

child

Use synonyms

abuses

Fix the agreement mistake

abuse

show examples

, society is not safe for

children

Use synonyms

, so they should not go outside,

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

spare

time

Use synonyms

with their

parents

Use synonyms

which can affect

Use synonyms

toddlers's

Remove the s

toddlers'

show examples

congitive

Correct your spelling

cognitive

development.

However

Linking Words

, in my opinion, about

this

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

should be with

thier

Correct your spelling

their

parents

Use synonyms

spare

Correct pronoun usage

their spare

show examples

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

in order to they can feel safe.

Submitted by reanudeepan on Mon Jul 08 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but can be clearer and more concise. Consider summarizing the main points more effectively in these sections.

task achievement

While your response addresses both sides of the argument, it's essential to develop the ideas more fully. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support each point.

general

There are frequent grammatical errors and misspellings. Review your work to improve accuracy, and consider practicing grammar exercises to minimize these issues.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow by using clear transition words and phrases to connect the main points and supporting ideas better.

task achievement

Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which is a crucial aspect of the task response.

coherence cohesion

You have included a conclusion that summarizes your position, which is an important element of essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

369 words

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Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their parent. Other believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

Your opinion

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?