IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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what
Change preposition
To what
show examples
 extent do you agree or disagree? These days, the best way that massive
companies
Use synonyms
 can sell their manufcturations is advertising, and factories use
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 events.
However
Linking Words
, some people believe
this
Linking Words
 way has the opposite effect in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports. I differ from
this
Linking Words
 idea because these
companies
Use synonyms
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to have more events, and they improve their devices and local firms can show their
things
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, when different
companies
Use synonyms
 want to introduce themselves to
spectator
Fix the agreement mistake
spectators
show examples
 they must do some works that help to upgrade
competions
Correct your spelling
competition
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they have to pay money to
Federation
Correct article usage
the Federation
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 have
Correct article usage
a commercial
show examples
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
;
then
Linking Words
organization
Add an article
the organization
an organization
show examples
 can play events with high quality.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 industries provide
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
Use synonyms
tools
Change preposition
with tools
show examples
 like shows, clothes, and other
things
Use synonyms
. Later teams
whose having
Verb problem
who
show examples
 play do not have to
payed
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 a lot of money for
things
Use synonyms
 that need.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when the player
used
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
manufacturers
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
tools
Use synonyms
 they can get feedback
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 factories for
somethings
Correct your spelling
some things
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
closes
Replace the word
close
show examples
 qualities,
observe
Wrong verb form
observing
show examples
 weights, and other
tools
Use synonyms
 working;
therefore
Linking Words
, these firms can alter their
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
 to the best
things
Use synonyms
 which have more clients.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I play badminton with
heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
show examples
 racket I cannot have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good efficiency;
as a result
Linking Words
, I change my
tools
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
sent
Wrong verb form
send
show examples
this
Linking Words
 rocket to
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the new
companies
Use synonyms
 that do not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bazar
Correct your spelling
bazaar
 sections can show their
things
Use synonyms
;
thereafter
Linking Words
, players can introduce
companies
Use synonyms
 good to fans.
To conclude
Linking Words
, these commercials have benefits for both
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 and
companies
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the fact not only the number of
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's
show examples
 profits are climbing.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay should have a more clear and structured introduction. Try to state your stance explicitly in the introduction and outline the main points that you will discuss.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow and structure of your essay. Use more clear transitions between paragraphs and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
relevant specific examples
Develop your points more fully and provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help illustrate your points more effectively and make your argument more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and concisely. Avoid long, convoluted sentences and ensure that each sentence has a clear subject and verb.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes the main points of the essay effectively.
supported main points
You have included some relevant examples and points related to how commercial sponsorship can benefit sports events.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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