Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do yoy think this is a positive or negative development?
In
the
recent years, the number of population seeking alternative medicines Correct article usage
apply
instead
of relying on medical doctors is increasing. This
trend poses a threat to both individuals and the society.
It is inevitable that this
phenomenon could engender various negative effects on the health
of those who acquire other treatments rather than ordinary medicine
. Firstly
, unorthodox medicine
is not proven scientifically to improve certain health
conditions. Indeed, many of those methods are based on pure observation and are not backed up by any reliable conepts
. Correct your spelling
concepts
As a result
, their effect is unclear and it could have detrimental
impact on those who use them, delaying their proper treatments and Add an article
a detrimental
bring
their diseases to a Wrong verb form
bringing
worsen
stage. Replace the word
worse
Moreover
, as those new age
Add a hyphen
new-age
medicine
does not go through any controlled trials, the side effects of such
treatments are unmeasureable
and could do harm to the patients. Correct your spelling
unmeasurable
For example
, different herbs are proven to have negative effect
on the renal system, sometimes Fix the agreement mistake
effects
lead
to irreversible damage. Wrong verb form
leading
Hence
, users of such
methods may suffer from other health
conditions than those they already have.
Moreover
, a society in which people
do not follow the advice of medical personnel is exposed to various risks. For instance
, if the parents choose complementary medicine
for their children instead
of vaccination, it could lead to a potential outbreak of diseases and eventually becomes
an epidemic. Correct subject-verb agreement
become
This
could reduce the health
quality of the population in general and also
affect the welfare of the people
. Moreover
, the healthcare system would also
suffer as people
will only come to the hospital with worsen
conditions after trying different methods that do not work. In fact, it could consume the public Wrong verb form
worsened
used
for medical issues and threaten the sustainability of Replace the word
use
the
society.
In conclusion, the fact that an increasing number of Correct article usage
apply
people
switching to hollistic
Correct your spelling
holistic
medicine
instead
of trusting their usual doctors has negative
impact on every individual and the entire community.Add an article
a negative
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task achievement
The essay could be improved by providing more diverse and specific examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to reinforce the logical flow between paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence.
general
Avoid minor grammatical errors and typos such as "conepts" instead of "concepts" and "worsen" instead of "worsening." Proofreading can greatly improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in conveying the main idea effectively.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...