IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do yoy think this is a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years, the number of population seeking alternative medicines
instead
Linking Words
 of relying on medical doctors is increasing.
This
Linking Words
 trend poses a threat to both individuals and the society. It is inevitable that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon could engender various negative effects on the
health
Use synonyms
 of those who acquire other treatments rather than ordinary
medicine
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, unorthodox
medicine
Use synonyms
 is not proven scientifically to improve certain
health
Use synonyms
 conditions. Indeed, many of those methods are based on pure observation and are not backed up by any reliable
conepts
Correct your spelling
concepts
.
As a result
Linking Words
, their effect is unclear and it could have
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
show examples
 impact on those who use them, delaying their proper treatments and
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 their diseases to a
worsen
Replace the word
worse
show examples
 stage.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as those
new age
Add a hyphen
new-age
show examples
medicine
Use synonyms
 does not go through any controlled trials, the side effects of
such
Linking Words
 treatments are
unmeasureable
Correct your spelling
unmeasurable
 and could do harm to the patients.
For example
Linking Words
, different herbs are proven to have negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on the renal system, sometimes
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to irreversible damage.
Hence
Linking Words
, users of
such
Linking Words
 methods may suffer from other
health
Use synonyms
 conditions than those they already have.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a society in which
people
Use synonyms
 do not follow the advice of medical personnel is exposed to various risks.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the parents choose complementary
medicine
Use synonyms
 for their children
instead
Linking Words
 of vaccination, it could lead to a potential outbreak of diseases and eventually
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 an epidemic.
This
Linking Words
 could reduce the
health
Use synonyms
 quality of the population in general and
also
Linking Words
 affect the welfare of the
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the healthcare system would
also
Linking Words
 suffer as
people
Use synonyms
 will only come to the hospital with
worsen
Wrong verb form
worsened
show examples
 conditions after trying different methods that do not work. In fact, it could consume the public
used
Replace the word
use
show examples
 for medical issues and threaten the sustainability of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, the fact that an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 switching to
hollistic
Correct your spelling
holistic
medicine
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of trusting their usual doctors has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on every individual and the entire community.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay could be improved by providing more diverse and specific examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to reinforce the logical flow between paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence.
general
Avoid minor grammatical errors and typos such as "conepts" instead of "concepts" and "worsen" instead of "worsening." Proofreading can greatly improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in conveying the main idea effectively.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: