Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do yoy think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #yoy #development

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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recent years, the number of population seeking alternative medicines

instead

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of relying on medical doctors is increasing.

This

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trend poses a threat to both individuals and the society. It is inevitable that

this

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phenomenon could engender various negative effects on the

health

Use synonyms

of those who acquire other treatments rather than ordinary

medicine

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Firstly

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, unorthodox

medicine

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is not proven scientifically to improve certain

health

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conditions. Indeed, many of those methods are based on pure observation and are not backed up by any reliable

conepts

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concepts

As a result

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, their effect is unclear and it could have

detrimental

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a detrimental

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impact on those who use them, delaying their proper treatments and

bring

Wrong verb form

bringing

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their diseases to a

worsen

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worse

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stage.

Moreover

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, as those

new age

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new-age

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medicine

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does not go through any controlled trials, the side effects of

such

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treatments are

unmeasureable

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unmeasurable

and could do harm to the patients.

For example

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, different herbs are proven to have negative

effect

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effects

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on the renal system, sometimes

lead

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leading

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to irreversible damage.

Hence

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, users of

such

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methods may suffer from other

health

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conditions than those they already have.

Moreover

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, a society in which

people

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do not follow the advice of medical personnel is exposed to various risks.

For instance

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, if the parents choose complementary

medicine

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for their children

instead

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of vaccination, it could lead to a potential outbreak of diseases and eventually

becomes

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become

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an epidemic.

This

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could reduce the

health

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quality of the population in general and

also

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affect the welfare of the

people

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Moreover

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, the healthcare system would

also

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suffer as

people

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will only come to the hospital with

worsen

Wrong verb form

worsened

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conditions after trying different methods that do not work. In fact, it could consume the public

used

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use

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for medical issues and threaten the sustainability of

the

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apply

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society. In conclusion, the fact that an increasing number of

people

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switching to

hollistic

Correct your spelling

holistic

medicine

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instead

Linking Words

of trusting their usual doctors has

negative

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a negative

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impact on every individual and the entire community.

Submitted by kimtruong270192 on Mon Jul 08 2024

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task achievement

The essay could be improved by providing more diverse and specific examples to strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

Try to reinforce the logical flow between paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence.

general

Avoid minor grammatical errors and typos such as "conepts" instead of "concepts" and "worsen" instead of "worsening." Proofreading can greatly improve clarity.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in conveying the main idea effectively.

task achievement

The main points are well-supported, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do yoy think this is a positive or negative development?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Some people think that the environment becomes polluted the causes is garbage. Which do you think has an important role to play in solving this problem, is the government or society? Give your opinion and example.

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement

Today, many peolpe do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.