Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children spend watching TV influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion
There are many people who think that
the
behaviour can be changed to what things the Correct article usage
apply
children
watched
on Wrong verb form
watch
TV
programms
.Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
However
, there are some who argue that it depends on the time
that children
spend to watch the TV
. Now in this
essay will be discussed
both sides of Wrong verb form
discuss
argument
in detail and explain why if Add an article
the argument
an argument
children
watch everything in
the Change preposition
on
TV
, that
will be no longer useful.
On the one hand, now many people believe thatCorrect pronoun usage
it
,
Remove the comma
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
behavior
changed by the Change the spelling
behaviour
time
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
spend
by Wrong verb form
spent
children
. To be more clear, if children
spend much
Rephrase
too much
time
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
TV
, they will not have any time
to learn useful things, such
as learning a foreign languages
. Correct the article-noun agreement
a foreign language
foreign languages
Secondly
, if children
watch TV
which include
many times, it may be not good Change the verb form
includes
to
some health problems, Change preposition
for
such
as being blind
or others.
Wrong verb form
blindness
On the other hand
, there are others who think that,
the behaviour changes depend on to spending Remove the comma
apply
time
. Firstly
, if children
spend much
Rephrase
too much
time
to
only watching Change preposition
apply
TV
, it can be
influence Unnecessary verb
apply
to
their mental health, Change preposition
apply
such
as their mentality. To be more clear, spending too much time
to
the television, they cannot be friendly, Change preposition
on
such
as, they can be in an indoor life from people or their parents. Additionally
, it can be influence
that, their future will not be great, because of their study.
Wrong verb form
influenced
To conclude
, now this
essay discussed
both sides of Wrong verb form
discusses
argument
in detail and Add an article
the argument
an argument
explain
do not watching everything, Correct subject-verb agreement
explains
it
will be more useful.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. Consider expanding on each point with more clear and detailed examples.
task achievement
The essay has some ideas, but they are not fully developed. Try to provide more specific examples that are relevant and illustrate your points clearly.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure needs improvement. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure that the introduction and conclusion are not just rephrased versions of each other. They should add value to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured essay.
task achievement
Some relevant points are mentioned, indicating an understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?