Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children spend watching TV influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There are many people who think that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

behaviour can be changed to what things the

children

Use synonyms

watched

Wrong verb form

watch

show examples

Use synonyms

programms

Correct your spelling

programmes

programs

However

Linking Words

, there are some who argue that it depends on the

time

Use synonyms

that

children

Use synonyms

spend to watch the

Use synonyms

. Now in

this

Linking Words

essay will

be discussed

Wrong verb form

discuss

show examples

both sides of

argument

Add an article

the argument

an argument

show examples

in detail and explain why if

children

Use synonyms

watch everything

Change preposition

show examples

the

Use synonyms

that

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

will be no longer useful. On the one hand, now many people believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

changed by the

time

Use synonyms

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

spend

Wrong verb form

spent

show examples

children

Use synonyms

. To be more clear, if

children

Use synonyms

spend

much

Rephrase

too much

show examples

time

Use synonyms

to watch

Change the verb form

watching

show examples

Use synonyms

, they will not have any

time

Use synonyms

to learn useful things,

such

Linking Words

as learning

a foreign languages

Correct the article-noun agreement

a foreign language

foreign languages

show examples

Secondly

Linking Words

, if

children

Use synonyms

watch

Use synonyms

which

include

Change the verb form

includes

show examples

many times, it may be not good

Change preposition

for

show examples

some health problems,

such

Linking Words

being blind

Wrong verb form

blindness

show examples

or others.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are others who think that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the behaviour changes depend on to spending

time

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, if

children

Use synonyms

spend

much

Rephrase

too much

show examples

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

only watching

Use synonyms

, it can

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

influence

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their mental health,

such

Linking Words

as their mentality. To be more clear, spending too much

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

the television, they cannot be friendly,

such

Linking Words

as, they can be in an indoor life from people or their parents.

Additionally

Linking Words

, it can be

influence

Wrong verb form

influenced

show examples

that, their future will not be great, because of their study.

To conclude

Linking Words

, now

this

Linking Words

essay

discussed

Wrong verb form

discusses

show examples

both sides of

argument

Add an article

the argument

an argument

show examples

in detail and

explain

Correct subject-verb agreement

explains

show examples

do not watching everything,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will be more useful.

makemoneyizzy16Mon Jul 08 2024

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task achievement

The essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. Consider expanding on each point with more clear and detailed examples.

task achievement

The essay has some ideas, but they are not fully developed. Try to provide more specific examples that are relevant and illustrate your points clearly.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure needs improvement. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetition and ensure that the introduction and conclusion are not just rephrased versions of each other. They should add value to the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured essay.

task achievement

Some relevant points are mentioned, indicating an understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

247 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Influence
Behaviour
Attitudes
World-view
Exposure
Aggression
Emotional impact
Empathy
Materialistic
Unrealistic expectations
Dissatisfaction
Physical activity
Health issues
Social interactions
Academic performance
Social skills
Social isolation
Responsible monitoring
Healthy development

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Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children spend watching TV influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Your opinion

Some people believe that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Air pollution in cities is growing at an alarming rate. What measures could be taken to address this problem?

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Test and examinations are a central feature of school system in many countries. Do you think the educational benefits of testing outweigh any disadvantage?