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some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying subjects. To what extend do you agree ?

#people #children #world #work #schools #teenagers #time #subjects
As far as some groups of people think children do not know the world of
work
 and the educational system has to force adolescents to
work
 part-
time
while
 they are studying in school I do not agree with
this
 opinion because in
this
 way teenagers can not focus on their educational goals. teenagers and children have a lot of things to do namely, their
homworke
Correct your spelling
homework
 trying for high
scors
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school
 and
preapering
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preparing
 for
collage
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college
show examples
 or university everyone knows that these works are
exhusting
Correct your spelling
exhausting
 and there is no
time
 for
anythings
Fix the agreement mistake
anything
show examples
 else. Employment
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 busier than having
time
 for thinking about learning subjects so when a student is working even as a
port
Correct your spelling
part
show examples
time
 job
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
tiriyin
Correct your spelling
tiring
 and its quality for educating gets less .
Teenages
Correct your spelling
Teenagers
 have to pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their lessons because they are making their future by studying and it is so important for them to have enough energy to
countinues
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continue
 their way
wich
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which
show examples
 is learning and studying,
also
 the
worldof
Correct your spelling
world of
work
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not a hard
things
Correct the article-noun agreement
thing
show examples
 and they can know it at the right
time
 when they started going university they learn how they have to find a job and behave on a
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
. So it is not
nesseccary
Correct your spelling
necessary
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them to do things early. In conclusion, there is no need for
childreen
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children
 to
work
 because of that their attention and energy should be on their study they can
work
 when they grow up and it is not a really big matter that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 not any
solotion
Correct your spelling
solution
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed. For instance, consider acknowledging potential benefits of teenagers working part-time, even if you ultimately argue against it.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your argument. Talk about particular scenarios where balancing work and study might be challenging for teenagers, which will strengthen your point.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical. Your arguments should build on each other more cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to accurate spelling and punctuation. This will improve the clarity and readability of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt clearly by expressing a position on the issue and providing reasons for the stance taken.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a framework for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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