some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying subjects. To what extend do you agree ?

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As far as some groups of people think children do not know the world of
work
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and the educational system has to force adolescents to
work
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part-
time
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while
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they are studying in school I do not agree with
this
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opinion because in
this
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way teenagers can not focus on their educational goals. teenagers and children have a lot of things to do namely, their
homworke
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homework
trying for high
scors
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school
and
preapering
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preparing
for
collage
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college
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or university everyone knows that these works are
exhusting
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exhausting
and there is no
time
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for
anythings
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anything
show examples
else. Employment
are
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is
show examples
busier than having
time
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for thinking about learning subjects so when a student is working even as a
port
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part
show examples
time
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job
get
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gets
show examples
tiriyin
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tiring
and its quality for educating gets less .
Teenages
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Teenagers
have to pay attention
on
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to
show examples
their lessons because they are making their future by studying and it is so important for them to have enough energy to
countinues
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continue
their way
wich
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which
show examples
is learning and studying,
also
Linking Words
the
worldof
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world of
work
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it
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apply
show examples
is not a hard
things
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thing
show examples
and they can know it at the right
time
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when they started going university they learn how they have to find a job and behave on a
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work place
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workplace
show examples
. So it is not
nesseccary
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necessary
to
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for
show examples
them to do things early. In conclusion, there is no need for
childreen
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children
to
work
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because of that their attention and energy should be on their study they can
work
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when they grow up and it is not a really big matter that
have
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has
show examples
not any
solotion
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solution
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed. For instance, consider acknowledging potential benefits of teenagers working part-time, even if you ultimately argue against it.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your argument. Talk about particular scenarios where balancing work and study might be challenging for teenagers, which will strengthen your point.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical. Your arguments should build on each other more cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to accurate spelling and punctuation. This will improve the clarity and readability of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt clearly by expressing a position on the issue and providing reasons for the stance taken.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a framework for the essay.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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