Some people say that the prevention of health problems is more important than the treatment of illness and disease and that Government funding should reflect this.What is your opinion?

#people #prevention #health #treatment #illness #disease #government

Many people believe that

prevention

is extremely important, even more than the treatment of illnesses and

diseases

. In fact, some of them argue that the government should invest more funds in that. Personally, I firmly agree with

this

statement.

Firstly

prevention

is an investment for the future

thus

, even by changing our habits, we can reduce the risk of suffering from certain

diseases

For example

, following a healthy diet, exercising and

quit

Wrong verb form

quitting

show examples

smoking, lower the risk of cardiovascular

diseases

, diabetes, obesity, and

pshychological

Correct your spelling

psychological

issues.

Furthermore

, we can prevent certain illnesses with

prevention

strategies,

such

as vaccination campaigns and public health programs. In fact, the incidence of

contagiuos

Correct your spelling

contagion

and chronic

diseases

can be reduced.

In addition

, screening tests can be run and

thus

, early diagnosis can be made.

For example

, if cervical cancer is diagnosed at an early stage with the Pap test, the survival rate is much higher.

Therefore

, by focusing on

prevention

, we can improve the

overall

quality of life and life expectancy. For those reasons, the government should invest more money in those measures and make sure that every citizen is well-informed about

prevention

. In conclusion, I believe that

prevention

is better than cure.

Submitted by chi63hi on Mon Jul 08 2024

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task achievement

The essay provides a clear stance on the topic and offers relevant examples to support the main points. However, aiming for a bit more depth in the argumentation could enhance the essay. For example, discussing potential drawbacks along with preventive measures could demonstrate a more well-rounded analysis.

coherence cohesion

The essay structure is generally logical and transitions are smooth. To achieve a higher score, consider expanding on the points made, and perhaps add one more paragraph that discusses another aspect of prevention, such as the economic benefits.

introduction conclusion present

The essay presents a clear and well-organized introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the main argument.

supported main points

Main points are clearly supported with relevant examples, such as the discussion on healthy habits and the role of public health programs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

196 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive measures
healthcare costs
public health campaigns
vaccination programs
chronic diseases
economic productivity
absenteeism
quality of life
life expectancy
burden on healthcare systems

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Some people say that the prevention of health problems is more important than the treatment of illness and disease and that Government funding should reflect this.What is your opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries, plastic bags are one the main sources of damage to the environment, and so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people believe that it is good for country's culture to import foreign movies and tv programmes.Others think that is better to produce these locally.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.