IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? what could be disadvantages fo being self employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case #fo #self
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Today, more and more adults
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 independently rather than being hired by a
coorporation
Correct your spelling
corporation
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
Linking Words
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
 suggest that people's increased desire for freedom could be the main reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. Despite the mass high interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
self-employement
Correct your spelling
self-employment
, it actually has its own
down side
Correct your spelling
downside
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as negatively
influanced
Correct your spelling
influenced
influence
 someone's psychological
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. Recent
reserach
Correct your spelling
research
 studies have found that the majority of people in
this
Linking Words
 modern society demand a much more flexible
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 compared to their previous generations.
Due to
Linking Words
 that reason, almost 90% of Gen Z decided to be self-employed.
That is
Linking Words
 why we now have jobs like influencer,
youtuber
Correct your spelling
YouTuber
, or vlogger.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 career path may
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to lots of freedom compared to the conventional office jobs, being
self employed
Add a hyphen
self-employed
show examples
 might force a person to
work
Use synonyms
 even harder which usually
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 stress level.
Additionally
Linking Words
, those who
work
Use synonyms
 with random working hours are
also
Linking Words
 facing the frightening feeling of
uncertainity
Correct your spelling
uncertainty
. In conclusion, many are now choosing to be self-employed rather than to
work
Use synonyms
 in a certain institution. The reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 change is the different way of living
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 growing among the youth. Even though it is a popular decision, self
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 could cause bad impacts
such
Linking Words
 as burnout and
unstability
Correct your spelling
instability
.
Submitted by lidyaprmata on

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task achievement
Your essay is clear in its intention and you have addressed both parts of the task. However, the essay could benefit from a bit more depth and detail in the discussion. Providing more specific examples or elaborating on the points would make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a good logical flow, there are moments when the links between your points can be strengthened. For example, explaining how flexible work directly influences the decision to become self-employed could offer a smoother connection between ideas. Also, some sentences feel disjointed or abrupt and could benefit from the use of linking words or phrases.
task achievement
Your main points are clear, but it's crucial to provide an equal level of detail for both the advantages and disadvantages of self-employment. This would create a more balanced essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay.
supported main points
Your reasons for why people might choose self-employment and its disadvantages are relevant and logical.
logical structure
The structure of your essay is logical, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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