Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? what could be disadvantages fo being self employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case #fo #self

Today, more and more adults

decided

Wrong verb form

decide

show examples

work

independently rather than being hired by a

coorporation

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corporation

This

essay will

firstly

Change the word

first

show examples

suggest that people's increased desire for freedom could be the main reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

phenomenon. Despite the mass high interest

for

Change preposition

show examples

self-employement

Correct your spelling

self-employment

, it actually has its own

down side

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downside

show examples

such

as negatively

influanced

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influenced

influence

someone's psychological

well being

Add a hyphen

well-being

show examples

. Recent

reserach

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research

studies have found that the majority of people in

this

modern society demand a much more flexible

life style

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lifestyle

show examples

compared to their previous generations.

Due to

that reason, almost 90% of Gen Z decided to be self-employed.

That is

why we now have jobs like influencer,

youtuber

Correct your spelling

YouTuber

, or vlogger.

Although

this

career path may

leads

Change the verb form

lead

show examples

to lots of freedom compared to the conventional office jobs, being

self employed

Add a hyphen

self-employed

show examples

might force a person to

work

even harder which usually

caused

Wrong verb form

causes

show examples

higher

Correct article usage

a higher

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stress level.

Additionally

, those who

work

with random working hours are

also

facing the frightening feeling of

uncertainity

Correct your spelling

uncertainty

. In conclusion, many are now choosing to be self-employed rather than to

work

in a certain institution. The reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

change is the different way of living

expectation

Fix the agreement mistake

expectations

show examples

growing among the youth. Even though it is a popular decision, self

employement

Correct your spelling

employment

could cause bad impacts

such

as burnout and

unstability

Correct your spelling

instability

Submitted by lidyaprmata on Mon Jul 08 2024

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task achievement

Your essay is clear in its intention and you have addressed both parts of the task. However, the essay could benefit from a bit more depth and detail in the discussion. Providing more specific examples or elaborating on the points would make your argument stronger.

coherence cohesion

While your essay has a good logical flow, there are moments when the links between your points can be strengthened. For example, explaining how flexible work directly influences the decision to become self-employed could offer a smoother connection between ideas. Also, some sentences feel disjointed or abrupt and could benefit from the use of linking words or phrases.

task achievement

Your main points are clear, but it's crucial to provide an equal level of detail for both the advantages and disadvantages of self-employment. This would create a more balanced essay.

introduction conclusion present

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay.

supported main points

Your reasons for why people might choose self-employment and its disadvantages are relevant and logical.

logical structure

The structure of your essay is logical, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

208 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? what could be disadvantages fo being self employed?

Fully explain your ideas

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think is the case? Is this a good or a bad thing?

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

In many countries it is common for families to own and run their own business. Some people think this is the best way to run a business, while others considered this a potential source of problems. Discuss both sides and Give your opinion.

Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?