Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?
Having difficulties getting enough sleep is a quite big issue and the number of people who cannot get sleep enough is increasing these days.
In addition
, plenty of younger people are suffering from insomnia. It seems that lack
of sleep makes this
society harmful.
As we know well, lack
of sleep has negative effects on mental health and body condition. The human mind and body rely on the quality of sleep. Why? The quality of sleep can make healthier the brain because the brain can get rest while
we are sleeping. Moreover
, we do not consist of only minds and spirits but bones and muscles. That means, the physical might be influenced a lot by slumber as well. For example
, deep sleep has significant effects on the growth of muscles and bones period of growth.
Everything has cause and effect. What is possible to cause these problems then
? In my opinion, two reasons are there. Firstly
, smartphones might be the biggest cause of lack
of sleep these days. Over the past 10 years, using smartphones has been increasing across the world rapidly. The real problem is that we use this
device until before getting sleep. According to
eminent scholars, “smartphones interrupt in getting sleep deeply. Whereas
, the biggest cure for reducing stress is sleep.” Secondly
, the quality of sleep depends on what we eat all day. For example
, junk foods
are likely to interrupt our sleep because they contain low-quality nutrients.
In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I personally believe that we should remedy our bad habits or routine such
as not using smartphones for 2 hours before going to bed and reducing fresh foods
instead
of junk foods
or convenience foods
. If we can stick to this
plan and execute it continuously, getting enough sleep would be straightforward. The lack
of sleep can be solved partiallySubmitted by ryujaekwang0928 on
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task achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and addressed all parts of the task. However, try to use more specific examples to explain your points more clearly. For instance, mention particular studies or surveys that support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain a logical flow throughout the essay. Some ideas could be more clearly connected. For example, the transition between the causes of lack of sleep and the solutions could be smoother.
introduction conclusion present
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the issues and solutions related to lack of sleep.
task achievement
Your essay covers a range of ideas related to the task, and your main points are generally well-supported and relevant.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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