Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
argue that raising the number
of sports
facilities
is the best method to improve public health
whereas
others thought
that other efforts are required as Wrong verb form
think
sports
facilities
do not affect public health
that much. Although
sports
activities could make people
healthier, I believe that healthcare
facilities
are more important for public health
.
Sports
facilities
are believed to be beneficial for public health
due to
the fact that they allow people
to be healthier by doing more sports
. With the increasing number
of health
problems that are caused by the lack of physical activities, such
as obesity, sports
can be beneficial to solve these problems. As a result
of the increasing number
of public facilities
, more people
could have healthier lifestyles. For example
, since the renovation of Gelora Bung Karno Stadium in Jakarta, more people
are doing sports
in the area than before. However
, while
sports
are beneficial for prevention measures, more efforts should be allocated towards treatment measures.
Healthcare
facilities
are crucial for public health
because they are pivotal for the treatment process. Due to
the high number
of diseases that have to be treated with medical procedures, it is crucial for states to have proper healthcare
facilities
, such
as hospitals and clinics. Hospitals and clinics are able to improve many people
's health
conditions as well as
save their lives. For instance
, a recent study found that the number
of healthcare
facilities
in certain cities in Indonesia strongly correlates to the mortality rate in the cities.
To conclude
, while
many people
think that the best way to improve public health
is by increasing the number
of sports
facilities
because this
could promote a healthier lifestyle, I believe that the best way to improve public health
is by increasing the number
of healthcare
facilities
, such
as hospitals and clinics because they are able to treat patients.Submitted by aribawadzaki on
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task achievement
The essay presents a reasonably complete response to the task, addressing both views on the topic and offering a personal opinion. However, you could enhance your argument by providing more detailed reasons for your viewpoint.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that all ideas are equally developed throughout the essay. Adding more depth and clarity to each section will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure present in the essay, making it easy for readers to follow your argument. However, the transition between paragraphs can be smoothed out further to enhance coherence.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the main points. For instance, the mention of the Gelora Bung Karno Stadium helps illustrate the benefits of having sports facilities.
introduction conclusion present
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, which frame the essay well and guide the reader through the argument.
supported main points
Your main points are mostly well-supported, contributing to a clear and cohesive argument.