Some people believe it is better for governments to spend any available money for sports on providing facilities for the general population. Others believe that instead, they should invest in training top athletes to win major competitions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, there are more and more individuals
think
that regulators should invest more in Correct pronoun usage
who think
sports
facilities so it
can be used by Correct pronoun usage
they
public
. Add an article
the public
However
, there are some people who prefer authorities to provide more training facilities for their athletes
.
On the one hand, encouraging governments to build sports
utilities in public areas can motivate youngstres
, especially children, to have a dream of becoming an athlete one day. Correct your spelling
youngsters
youngster
This
is because increasing number
of Correct article usage
the number
sports
facilities in certain areas could motivate children and teenagers who live there to enjoy doing workouts regularly. For example
, during his childhood, an Indonesian football
athlete used to play football
with his classmates every weekend at Gelora Bung Karno, a local public stadium located in the center
of Jakarta. Change the spelling
centre
As a result
, creating more spaces for physical activities in public places might increase the number of athletes
in the country in the long run.
On the other hand
, if the governments spent more in
improving the training quality for their national Change preposition
on
athletes
, it would result to
a better performance of the players during the competition. By investing more in the development of their Change preposition
in
athletes
' performance, moreover
, there will be enough resources to purchase sufficient tools that the athletes
need in order to practice,
or to hire a better coach for them. An outstanding example of Remove the comma
apply
this
is that
when the government chose to invest in hiring a Latin coach who Correct word choice
apply
experienced
in training a Add a missing verb
was experienced
football
team in Brazil, to train the
Indonesia's national Correct article usage
apply
football
team, which then
led to their championship in the Asian Football
League.
In conclusion, an increasing amount of investment in sports
faciltiies
in public areas might result Correct your spelling
facilities
to
a growing number of future Change preposition
in
athletes
within the country. Meanwhile, if the government choose to focus on developing the national athletes
, it can lead to a championship in regional or international competition
in the future.Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
Submitted by michellyonggo on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured, some sentences could use clearer transitions to ensure seamless flow. (E.g., 'On the other hand, if the governments spent more in improving the training quality for their national athletes' could be rephrased for clarity).
task achievement
There are minor grammatical errors which should be corrected for a higher score, such as 'increasing number of' (should be 'an increasing number of'), 'result to' (should be 'result in').
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion successfully frame the essay, addressing both views clearly.
relevant specific examples
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support the main points, enhancing the overall argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?