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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the international student enrolments at three universities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparison where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the international student enrolments at three universities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparison where relevant.
#bar #student #enrolments #three #universities #summarise #information #features #comparison
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The bar chart depicts
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of international students of three
Use synonyms
University
Fix the agreement mistake
Universities
show examples
categorise
Wrong verb form
categorised
show examples
 by
country
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the ranking of
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 in
Change the article
a
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
enrolmental
Correct your spelling
enrolment
enrolments
 students
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 the same for all these three
Use synonyms
university
Change to a plural noun
universities
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
University
Correct article usage
the University
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 of
Use synonyms
riverview
Change the capitalization
Riverview
show examples
 always
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the highest
number
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 of
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 from every
country
Use synonyms
 shown in the diagram. India, which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the most
enrolment
Use synonyms
student
Use synonyms
, has more than 7000
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
enroll
Wrong verb form
enrolled
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of
Riverview
Use synonyms
 followed by 6000 and 5000
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Smithtown
University
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 and Ealwood
University
Use synonyms
 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Colombia has the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
enrolment
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 from all three
Fix the agreement mistake
Universities
show examples
University
Use synonyms
,
which
Change preposition
of which
show examples
 only
Use synonyms
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of
Riverview
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 nearly 1000
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. For ranking of the
country
Use synonyms
, the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
enrolment
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 is India followed by Nepal, Vietnam,
Indoesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesia
 and Colombia and the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
enrolment
Use synonyms
 is always
Use synonyms
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of
Riverview
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the ranking 2 and 3 are very competitive
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
 approximately the same amount in Colombia, Indonesia and Nepal
while
Linking Words
 Smithtown
University
Use synonyms
win
Change the verb form
wins
show examples
 over Earlawood
University
Use synonyms
 about 1000 in India,
vise
Change the spelling
vice
show examples
 versa in Vietnam.
Submitted by thitiwatkem on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, university, country, riverview, student, enrolment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrolment trends
  • steady increase
  • fluctuating enrolments
  • international student numbers
  • comparative analysis
  • favored choice
  • global economic conditions
  • admission policies
  • program offerings
  • student satisfaction
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