In order to become a successful sportsperson, some people argue that you need to have access to the latest technology and the most up-to-date equipment. Other people believe that these things are not necessary for sporting success. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Most people are of the opinion that an individual
need
to keep in touch with the latest Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
technology
and with most
recent equipment and tools to become a renowned Correct article usage
the most
sportsman
. On the contrary
, it is believed by few that up-to-date technology
and tools has
nothing to do with sports and success.
Change the verb form
have
To begin
with, using latest
Add an article
the latest
technology
can actually benefit in
sports as Change preposition
apply
technology
is one of the reliable and relevant sources we all rely on. Through this
, sportsmen will get to know more about its
competitors Correct pronoun usage
their
thus
, giving him
a competitive edge. Correct pronoun usage
them
This
competitive environment would encourage and motivate him to perform better and not to give up even in the adversities he may face in life/ matches.
Even though it benefits many sportsman
, there are other Change to a plural noun
sportsmen
sportsman
Change the wording
sportsmen
also
who don’t want to rely on latest
Add an article
the latest
technology
. One main reason is since it’s latest
, they find it very expensive Correct article usage
the latest
whereas
using conventional technology
is accessible to all. Moreover
, when people rely on technology
they stop trusting their own talent and training and sometimes, they get so addicted to technology
, that they are not even ready to do hardwork
.
As far as I am concerned, Correct your spelling
hard work
sportsman
should incorporate technology
and
tools and equipment in their operations. Correct word choice
apply
However
, they shouldn’t rely on it completely as they still need to do hardwork
, still need to do comprehensive, creative and analytical thinking to become successful.
In Correct your spelling
hard work
the
light of Correct article usage
apply
this
evidence, it is undeniable that using technology
by sportsman
has its own set of benefits and limitations. Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
However
, benefits
outweigh Correct article usage
the benefits
limitations
because Correct article usage
the limitations
technology
is definitely one of the reliable and convenient source
.Change to a plural noun
sources
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grammar
There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. For a higher score, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure more natural phrasing.
arguments
Expand on your points with more specific examples or data. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
tonality
Maintain a more formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid informal phrases like 'However, they shouldn’t rely on it completely' and use 'However, they should not rely on it entirely' instead.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task completion
You have addressed both viewpoints and given your own opinion, fulfilling the task requirements well.
cohesion
You have some logical transitions and your points follow a coherent order.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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