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Band 7

The government investments in art, music and theatre is waste of money. Govt should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree ?

#government #investments #art #music #theatre #waste #money #govt #funds #services
The funding put forward by the administration in various creative
activities
 is considered to be a bad investment and it is believed by some that investments should be put in more public services
instead
.
This
 essay will partly agree with
this
 statement. It will present a neutral point of view presenting both the benefits and drawbacks of investing money in creative
activities
. The government need to put emphasis on much
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
 areas than investing in
activities
. One
such
 important issue is unemployment. The government should create job opportunities for unemployed people.
For instance
, a recent study showed that around 45 per cent of youngsters are not employed properly. Another issue is the poor infrastructure facilities
due to
 which people lose their lives. There are lack of hospitals and trained doctors to provide proper treatment to patients.
Hence
, the administration should prioritise these areas.
However
, there are benefits
also
 to investing public funds in various cultural
activities
. The creative endeavours develop skills and boost confidence in students. Music and theatre act as a relaxing mechanism after a long day of work.
Additionally
, they are an effective way to spread awareness regarding various social issues
such
 as poverty, unemployment, illiteracy and many more.
Therefore
, investments in various cultural
activities
 shouldn’t be ignored altogether as they are fruitful. In conclusion,
this
 essay has presented both the advantages and disadvantages of investing in art, theatre and music. The government should invest in a way that social issues are being addressed simultaneously addressing the benefits of investing in various creative cultural
activities
.
Submitted by simrangupta98115 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides a balanced view on the subject. However, it would benefit from a more detailed exploration of how arts and public services impact society. Expanding on both points will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay maintains a clear structure and logical flow, the connections between your points can be improved. Use linking phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'Conversely' to create smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and effectively sets up the essay’s structure. It provides an overview of what will be discussed, which is a strong start.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed and suggests a balanced approach to the issue, which adds to the coherence of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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