IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam’’ How true do you think this statement is? What are measures can the government take to discourage people from using their cars?

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It is true that the number of car owners has increased so quickly over the past three decades, causing traffic jams in several
cities
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 in the world. There are various reasons that support
this
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 approach, and there are a variety of measures that can be implemented by the
government
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 to solve
this
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 issue. There are so many reasons why
this
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 trend is becoming more realistic and to support
this
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 idea. The first contributing factor is the environmental problem since an increasing figure
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
cars
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, which release carbon dioxide, causes climate change, global warming, and air pollution problems.
For instance
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, there is evidence that many
people
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 in Bangkok and Chiangmai have respiratory problems
due to
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 bad particles from CO2 emissions. Another point to be considered is the number of
people
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 that move away from major
cities
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 to rural areas.
Instead
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 of staying in big
cities
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 with traffic congestion and stressful life, the majority of
people
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 nowadays
preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to live in suburban areas with more
of
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apply
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nature and fresh air.
However
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, there are three aspects that could be used to tackle those problems.
Firstly
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, the
government
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 should be more serious about improving public transportation in big
cities
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such
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 as enhancing sky trains, and underground trains, using new models of public buses, and making a precise bus schedule.
Moreover
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, the
government
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 might consider increasing tax on imported
cars
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, which can certainly reduce the proportion of
cars
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 on roads and create more revenues for the
government
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 to support other fields.
For example
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, developing public infrastructure, education, and public welfare.
Lastly
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, the
government
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 should make a campaign in order to raise public awareness, encouraging
people
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 to use alternative methods of transportation. In conclusion, it is a fact that the figure for
cars
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 is increasing for the given reasons, but steps can definitely be taken to solve those issues.

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task well, but it can be improved by clearly stating the measures the government can take to discourage car use in the thesis statement. Currently, it talks about the reasons for increased car ownership and the measures, but it would be stronger if there was a more focused thesis.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented in the essay can be expanded with more comprehensive arguments and examples. For instance, while the essay mentions environmental problems and people moving to suburban areas, these points could be elaborated on with more supporting details or statistics.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good, but there are some areas for improvement. The discussion on environmental problems and migration to rural areas seems somewhat disconnected. Try to provide smoother transitions between these ideas to make the essay more cohesive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea and expands on it fully before moving to the next one. For example, the paragraph on government measures could be divided into multiple paragraphs, each focusing on one specific measure, which would make the arguments clearer and stronger.
Introduction
The introduction sets the context and presents the issue clearly, making it easy for readers to follow the discussion.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, presenting a clear final stance on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • air pollution
  • commute times
  • urban areas
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • congestion charges
  • alternative modes of transport
  • cycling
  • walking
  • fuel taxes
  • carpooling
  • electric vehicles
  • traffic jams
  • mitigate
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