Only 20% of Tech Jobs are Held by Women. What problems do women face that prevent them from getting these jobs and what must be done to change this situation.

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These days, global thinking is changing from female;

however

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, we can see that 20 per cent of Tech Jobs are Held by

Women

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. In

this

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essay, I will discuss the main problems which

women

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cannot get

this

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kind of jobs;

moreover

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, I propose some possible solutions to avoid them. Unfortunately, people who are

women

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cannot obtain jobs that are the best choice for them for some reason some societies believe

men

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can do work better than the opposite gender, and a group of people have

this

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view

women

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must do housework.

Firstly

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women

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and males do not have differences in their abilities;

nevertheless

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, in some populations' opinion,

men

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, who are the best creatures, can do the work professionally, but in some positions,

women

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are the best choice. To illustrate, when NASA, which is the best organisation in the world, wanted to send a spaceship to the Moon needed some calculations that must be really accurate, and in the calculation section

women

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could not go, yet the manager who worked in

this

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part changed the law and obtained the woman for calculate really crucial.

Secondly

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, some communities particularly developing countries think females must do housework

instead

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of going out and doing work like

men

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;

thereafter

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women

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who want to be independent are not good females for living.

However

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, every matter has some solution-altering situation like government belief must change;

furthermore

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women

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all over the world have to establish a union that can defend their rights works. When authorities believable in based on that

women

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can do their careers like

men

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and in some positions better than

men

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;

thereafter

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, companies must make both sexes like each other, which

women

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can show themselves in industries. An important fact

women

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must find unions that help

women

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present themselves and follow the feminist rate. In conclusion, governments and global inhabitants should accept

women

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's talent.

In addition

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, they must aid each other to become the best gender.

maryamkazemi968Mon Jul 08 2024

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task achievement

The essay responds to the prompt but could benefit from a more articulated argument. There are instances where the ideas are not fully developed or clearly expressed. Ensure each point is clearly explained and supported with detailed examples.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions feel abrupt, which affects the overall coherence of the essay.

task achievement

Strengthen your main points by providing specific and relevant examples. The NASA example is useful, but its explanation could be clearer and more seamlessly integrated into the argument.

coherence cohesion

Try to organize your ideas more effectively; an outline before writing might help to maintain a clearer structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, introduced by a topic sentence and followed by supporting details and examples.

coherence cohesion

Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, ensuring that it is well-framed and complete.

task achievement

The essay addresses both problems and solutions related to women's underrepresentation in tech jobs, showing a comprehensive view of the issue.

task achievement

You’ve made an effort to provide examples to support your points, which is crucial for a complete response.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

321 words

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Only 20% of Tech Jobs are Held by Women. What problems do women face that prevent them from getting these jobs and what must be done to change this situation.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Some people think that robots are very important to human's future development, while others believe they are dangerous and negatively affect society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

2.The international community must act immediately to ensure all nations to reduce their consumption of fossil fuels e.g., gas and oil. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.