Only 20% of Tech Jobs are Held by Women. What problems do women face that prevent them from getting these jobs and what must be done to change this situation.

These days, global thinking is changing from female;
however
, we can see that 20 per cent of Tech Jobs are Held by
Women
. In
this
essay, I will discuss the main problems which
women
cannot get
this
kind of jobs;
moreover
, I propose some possible solutions to avoid them. Unfortunately, people who are
women
cannot obtain jobs that are the best choice for them for some reason some societies believe
men
can do work better than the opposite gender, and a group of people have
this
view
women
must do housework.
Firstly
,
women
and males do not have differences in their abilities;
nevertheless
, in some populations' opinion,
men
, who are the best creatures, can do the work professionally, but in some positions,
women
are the best choice. To illustrate, when NASA, which is the best organisation in the world, wanted to send a spaceship to the Moon needed some calculations that must be really accurate, and in the calculation section
women
could not go, yet the manager who worked in
this
part changed the law and obtained the woman for calculate really crucial.
Secondly
, some communities particularly developing countries think females must do housework
instead
of going out and doing work like
men
;
thereafter
,
women
who want to be independent are not good females for living.
However
, every matter has some solution-altering situation like government belief must change;
furthermore
,
women
all over the world have to establish a union that can defend their rights works. When authorities believable in based on that
women
can do their careers like
men
and in some positions better than
men
;
thereafter
, companies must make both sexes like each other, which
women
can show themselves in industries. An important fact
women
must find unions that help
women
present themselves and follow the feminist rate. In conclusion, governments and global inhabitants should accept
women
's talent.
In addition
, they must aid each other to become the best gender.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay responds to the prompt but could benefit from a more articulated argument. There are instances where the ideas are not fully developed or clearly expressed. Ensure each point is clearly explained and supported with detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions feel abrupt, which affects the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points by providing specific and relevant examples. The NASA example is useful, but its explanation could be clearer and more seamlessly integrated into the argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more effectively; an outline before writing might help to maintain a clearer structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, introduced by a topic sentence and followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, ensuring that it is well-framed and complete.
task achievement
The essay addresses both problems and solutions related to women's underrepresentation in tech jobs, showing a comprehensive view of the issue.
task achievement
You’ve made an effort to provide examples to support your points, which is crucial for a complete response.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: