Only 20% of Tech Jobs are Held by Women. What problems do women face that prevent them from getting these jobs and what must be done to change this situation.
These days, global thinking is changing from female;
however
, we can see that 20 per cent of Tech Jobs are Held by Linking Words
Women
. In Use synonyms
this
essay, I will discuss the main problems which Linking Words
women
cannot get Use synonyms
this
kind of jobs; Linking Words
moreover
, I propose some possible solutions to avoid them.
Unfortunately, people who are Linking Words
women
cannot obtain jobs that are the best choice for them for some reason some societies believe Use synonyms
men
can do work better than the opposite gender, and a group of people have Use synonyms
this
view Linking Words
women
must do housework. Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
women
and males do not have differences in their abilities; Use synonyms
nevertheless
, in some populations' opinion, Linking Words
men
, who are the best creatures, can do the work professionally, but in some positions, Use synonyms
women
are the best choice. To illustrate, when NASA, which is the best organisation in the world, wanted to send a spaceship to the Moon needed some calculations that must be really accurate, and in the calculation section Use synonyms
women
could not go, yet the manager who worked in Use synonyms
this
part changed the law and obtained the woman for calculate really crucial. Linking Words
Secondly
, some communities particularly developing countries think females must do housework Linking Words
instead
of going out and doing work like Linking Words
men
; Use synonyms
thereafter
, Linking Words
women
who want to be independent are not good females for living.
Use synonyms
However
, every matter has some solution-altering situation like government belief must change; Linking Words
furthermore
, Linking Words
women
all over the world have to establish a union that can defend their rights works. When authorities believable in based on that Use synonyms
women
can do their careers like Use synonyms
men
and in some positions better than Use synonyms
men
; Use synonyms
thereafter
, companies must make both sexes like each other, which Linking Words
women
can show themselves in industries. An important fact Use synonyms
women
must find unions that help Use synonyms
women
present themselves and follow the feminist rate.
In conclusion, governments and global inhabitants should accept Use synonyms
women
's talent. Use synonyms
In addition
, they must aid each other to become the best gender.Linking Words
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on
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task achievement
The essay responds to the prompt but could benefit from a more articulated argument. There are instances where the ideas are not fully developed or clearly expressed. Ensure each point is clearly explained and supported with detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions feel abrupt, which affects the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points by providing specific and relevant examples. The NASA example is useful, but its explanation could be clearer and more seamlessly integrated into the argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more effectively; an outline before writing might help to maintain a clearer structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, introduced by a topic sentence and followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, ensuring that it is well-framed and complete.
task achievement
The essay addresses both problems and solutions related to women's underrepresentation in tech jobs, showing a comprehensive view of the issue.
task achievement
You’ve made an effort to provide examples to support your points, which is crucial for a complete response.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...