IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I believe that to achieve happiness you must know how to appreciate the little things in life,
such
Linking Words
 as friends and family and
then
Linking Words
 comes the
money
Use synonyms
,
money
Use synonyms
 is an important thing in our life but it doesn't buy the good moments, the good friendships  The lessons you learn Yet from another
Correct your spelling
perspective
Correct your spelling
perspective
prespective
Add a comma
prespective,
show examples
 I believe that if you have the
money
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 you have the power to experience more things in life,
for example
Linking Words
, traveling, trying new food, learning about new cultures, But
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my personal opinion,
Money
Use synonyms
 is very important, especially for me and my family

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organization
Improve the structure of your essay by including a clear introduction and conclusion. This will help make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
development
Develop your main points further with specific examples and more detailed explanations. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
task response
Ensure a balance in discussing both views before stating your personal opinion. This will show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay touches on important aspects of both perspectives on the topic, giving the reader a clear idea of the arguments.
task response
The essay demonstrates the ability to express personal opinions on the topic, which is crucial for a complete response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: