Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is an ongoing debate involving whether
people
are more dependent on each other in the modern world. From my perspective, Use synonyms
people
become more independent than they used to be.
On the one hand, Use synonyms
people
become more dependent on each other because of financial pressure. With the increase in the inflation rate, more young adults / graduates cannot afford their living costs by themselves. Use synonyms
For example
, a lot of young employees in Shanghai need to live with their parents because the local housing prices are incredibly high. Linking Words
Additionally
, the current economic market is competitive, and it requires more than one person to operate a business. Linking Words
Therefore
, collaboration among co-workers is essential for sharing ideas and achieving success, leading a tighter social bonds. Linking Words
However
, I do not think Linking Words
people
will always be dependent because the current troubles are temporary, and they can tackle these issues in the future.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, I do believe that the public become more independent because of the improvement of transportation and communication Linking Words
technology
. With the development of Use synonyms
technology
, Use synonyms
people
are not restricted by distances, and they can choose better places to study and work. Use synonyms
For example
, I went to Canada for a better education, and the journey from China to Canada will only take thirteen hours Linking Words
due to
the latest aeroplane Linking Words
technology
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, Linking Words
people
do not need to collaborate with each other because of the development of the Internet. Use synonyms
People
can find any information online, and they no longer need to ask for advice in person.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
people
will be dependent on each other Use synonyms
due to
financial pressure and a competitive economic market, I believe that improvement in transportation and communication Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
as well as
the development of the Internet will cultivate an independent lifestyle for Linking Words
people
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Ensure the essay maintains a consistent tone throughout. At times, the sentences could be more formally structured, especially in academic writing.
task achievement
Work on expanding the explanation of your examples slightly more; this will help in providing a clearer link between your examples and the main points.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between points can be smoother. Utilize more varied transitional phrases to enhance flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which sets a solid foundation for the reader.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help in illustrating the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally solid, making it easy to follow the arguments presented.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.