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Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve our mind health, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest our mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #leisure #time #activities #mind #health #word #puzzles #rest
Mental well-being is
also
very
Rephrase
as
show examples
 important as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical health, as it helps you think critically in difficult situations. Few people think that enjoyment
activities
 are important for us
whereas
, other group says that we should take a break from all these things to get relaxed. I completely agree with the group that says we should provide
complete
Add an article
a complete
show examples
 break to our
mind
 so that we can rest well. In the forthcoming paragraph, I will describe some points to justify my opinion. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 hand, these pleasure
activities
 are very important for us to keep us calm in the worries of
this
 busy world. They helped us to divert our attention from our daily packed schedules
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
gave
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 a little break from problems and
provide
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
 us little joy. These tricks helped us to
relaxed
Change the verb
relax
show examples
 our
mind
 and body, because only
relaxed
Correct article usage
a relaxed
show examples
mind
 can make letter decisions.
On the other hand
,
according to
 some
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 of
thoughts
Fix the agreement mistake
thought
show examples
, we should take complete
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
, even from these leisure
activities
 as well
for
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 some time to rest our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 so that we can gain our energy back to
finished
Change the form of the verb
finish
show examples
 our
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 properly. I
complete
Change the word
completely
show examples
 agree with
this
 statement as everything in
this
 world needs
break
Add an article
a break
show examples
 to work to its full strength. It helps us to recognize our mistakes and lacking and get back to them with full power, confidence and
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 approach.
To conclude
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it's always better to give some time to these
enjoyment
Replace the word
enjoyable
show examples
activities
 but we should
also
 provide rest to our
mind
 and body as well. As we all know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a healthy body always
possess
Change the verb form
possesses
show examples
 a healthy
mind
. In the future, most probably people will find less time to cherish these
activities
due to
 their busy routine.
Submitted by ijazwamiq on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, which is a good start. However, you should support your points with more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to structure your paragraphs more cohesively. Each paragraph should contain a single main idea supported by relevant examples and explanations.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion adequately frame your essay, providing a clear start and end to your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic, demonstrating a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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