IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( e.g working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children ). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #e #g #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
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Some people believe that unpaid
community
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service
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 should be a compulsory part of high
school
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 programs (
for example
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 working for a charity, improving the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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, or teaching sports to younger
children
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). Today education is growing. People are more aware of learning so when we go to
school
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, they are only taught static knowledge in the classroom and will have a lack of real experience so we lack social skills.
Community
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service
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 should be a compulsory part of high
school
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 programs to better understand the benefits of
community
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service
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.
First,
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when the
service
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 is compulsory, youngsters have a sense of responsibility because what is required will often make others take it more seriously. When joining volunteer work, students face a lot of problems and pose hundreds of questions about how to do, and handle the problems. Sometimes, they have to work together when participating in many different personalities we will learn how to respect each other.
Second,
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participating in
such
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 activities
also
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 helps them become more disciplined and improve their self-awareness
as well as
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 their life skills,
and
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apply
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making it easier to find jobs in the future. When participating, youngsters can consider it as a relaxing time after
school
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 and increase the feeling of happiness in people, reducing time spent looking at phones to avoid many eye diseases that occur in
children
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. Communication skills help us share what we find difficult when participating in studies, dare to express our opinions and reduce the incidence of violence in
children
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 at
school
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.
However
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, when they have to participate too much in volunteer jobs, they might move their focus away from their own sakes.
This
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 affects
children
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's quality of learning and health. In conclusion,
children
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 should be able to participate more in
community
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 services to help them easily integrate into society, not be surprised when entering life, form discipline and self-discipline, and know what they want their position to be. They not only learn from teachers but
also
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 learn from real-life learning experiences the education sector will be upgraded to help us raise social awareness, have a better life and help society develop.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion on the topic and supported it throughout the essay. To improve, provide more specific and varied examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but there are some transitions between ideas that could be smoother. Use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The use of language is generally clear, but there are a few grammatical and lexical inaccuracies. Proofread your work to correct these small errors.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-presented, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by presenting both benefits and potential drawbacks of compulsory community service for high school students.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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