Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees?

Nowadays, people are easily found stressed that come from their job, they begin exhausted or lose their passion for working.
On the other hand
, working days in some places have increased.
Therefore
, the question of what can be done by employers to reduce
this
problem is needed indeed. In modern days, there are many companies who find that more employees will guide them into problems.
This
problem
occurred
Wrong verb form
occurs
show examples
because companies are often finding their man are lazy during their working hour;
nevertheless
, they must pay off their salaries. Eventually, they thought about how to make their company become more effective by downsizing their employee numbers significantly but, the workload
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
not reduced.
This
situation obviously expects an employee to be multi-talented in their jobs, making their jobs become more stressful and more time consuming, thereby they must
adding
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
more working hours to finish their jobs. Stress is the most annoying feeling that must be avoided by everyone
while
they are working, creating a more friendly environment in the working space is very important to reduce the tension
that is
going on in the
office
. Warm situations can be created by strengthening each individual bonding in the
office
,
such
as planning a holiday together, creating
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
in the
office
or arranging table tennis tournaments in the
office
. In conclusion, stress and more work hours come from minimizing the company structure to chase company efficiency. Employers can help them to cut down on
this
problem by creating a more relaxed and fun atmosphere at their
office
.
Submitted by kelly on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay does address the question, the reasons for increased job stress and longer working hours could be elaborated upon in more detail. Including more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details that contribute to it. For instance, the second paragraph could more clearly outline the reasons for increased stress and longer working hours before discussing the impact.
general
Try to use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Be sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which clearly outline the problem and suggest a solution.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with each paragraph devoted to a specific aspect of the problem or solution.
task achievement
The proposed solutions for creating a relaxed and fun atmosphere at the office are practical and plausible, showing a good understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: