It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?
While
it is believed that taking risks
is essential for peoples
both in their professional and personal lives, others argue that it is not necessarily worth the trial in either Fix the agreement mistake
people
ways
. Both points of view and reasons why I support the positive sides of Change to a singular noun
way
statement
will be elaborated on in Add an article
the statement
this
essay.
To begin
with, it may seems
sensible for some to Change the verb form
seem
believed
that taking Change the form of the verb
believe
risks
will bring about new opportunities or success. This
is possibly
because every Replace the adverb
possible
lessons
learned from taking one will help us Change to a singular noun
lesson
developed
from mistakes and achievements. By taking Wrong verb form
develop
risks
, it provide
us a Change the verb form
provides
thoughful
lessons for future plans. Take self-employment, Correct your spelling
thoughtful
for example
; it is often viewed that being a
self-employed Correct article usage
apply
encounter
Correct subject-verb agreement
encounters
numeous
Correct your spelling
numerous
risks
but some people able
to successfully Add a missing verb
are able
archieve
their goals through Correct your spelling
achieve
this
Correct determiner usage
these
risks
.
Many opponents that opposed this
idea might felt
that taking those Wrong verb form
feel
risks
might eventually posing
threats in numerous aspects whether it is Wrong verb form
pose
physically
, Change the word
physical
emotionally
, Change the word
emotional
and
Correct word choice
or
financially
. In Change the word
financial
this
respect, there is an
Correct article usage
apply
evident
showing that Replace the word
evidence
those
nearly 80% of the participants who invested in stocks failed to gain Correct determiner usage
apply
its
expected return. To exemplify, Correct pronoun usage
their
the
investments in stocks with the belief of high Correct article usage
apply
risks
, high
Correct word choice
and high
return
could actually Fix the agreement mistake
returns
made
the person become broke as they neglected the possible failure but rather Wrong verb form
make
focued
on the gains.
Correct your spelling
focused
However
, I personally argue in favour of its beneficials
seeing that it Correct your spelling
benefits
make
us walk out of our comfort zone to grow. To simply explain, Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
risks
can help us to be more flexible and expand our midset
of particular Correct your spelling
mindset
perspects
. Correct your spelling
prospects
perspectives
For example
, going on solo
trip might include possible Add an article
a solo
the solo
threat
Fix the agreement mistake
threats
such
as accidents, yet, after done it might actually make you created
some Wrong verb form
create
memmorable
experiences Correct your spelling
memorable
instead
.
In summary, although
it is undeniable that taking risks
can provide danger, I am of the opinion that the benefit of taking risks
will outweight
its detrimental effects in terms of promoting a developed growth Correct your spelling
outweigh
mindsets
.Correct the article-noun agreement
mindset
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy. There are several errors that affect readability. For instance, 'it may seems' should be 'it may seem' and 'provide us a thoughful lessons' should be 'provides us thoughtful lessons'.
vocabulary
Try to use more varied vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency. Some words are repeated and certain phrases can be replaced with more sophisticated expressions.
coherence
Ensure all sentences are clearly linked to one another. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt. Using cohesive devices effectively can help with this.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to organize the argument.
support
The main points are generally well-supported with examples, such as self-employment and stock investments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.