IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.
#people #usa #food #restaurants
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart shows information about the percentages of frequency of citizens who eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 in restaurants over 10 years from 2003 to 2013 in The USA.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 had
average
Add an article
an average
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to consume fast
food
Use synonyms
 once a
week
Use synonyms
 and once or twice a month. Meanwhile, less
people
Use synonyms
 ate junk
food
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and never.
The
Change preposition
At the
show examples
 beginning of the period shown, the most popular
time
Use synonyms
 to purchase junk
food
Use synonyms
 was once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
week
Use synonyms
 at approximately 32%,
then
Linking Words
 once or twice a month at 30%. Followed, several times a
week
Use synonyms
 and a few times a year were equally
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 the same percentage between 14%-16%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, In terms of 2006,
firstly
Linking Words
, the highest spot of frequent
time
Use synonyms
 in
people
Use synonyms
 who
attend to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 in restaurants in the USA is
people
Use synonyms
 who eat once a
week
Use synonyms
 which was around 33%.
Next,
Linking Words
the middle position was followed by
people
Use synonyms
 who
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 several times a
week
Use synonyms
 which was around 20%. Moving to 2013, the
first ranked
Add a hyphen
first-ranked
show examples
 percentage of citizens in The USA who order junk
food
Use synonyms
 once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
week
Use synonyms
 is about 30%, continued with several a
week
Use synonyms
 and once a month at 16%, and15%, respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the rate of
time
Use synonyms
 eating fast
food
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and never had the same pattern in all year with just below 5%
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, people, time, week with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fast food consumption
  • Frequency
  • Dining trends
  • Demographic factors
  • Peak periods
  • Downward/upward trend
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Economic impact
  • Health implications
  • Convenience foods
  • Eating habits
  • Statistical evidence
  • Year-over-year comparison
  • Fluctuation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: