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Band 2.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child’s development as other subjets, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or this disagree?

#art #classes #child’s #development #subjets #schools #disagree
Art
classes
 are vital to the wholesome development of a kid these days. People
argues
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argue
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 that it is beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters to have
art
class
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classes
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 mandatory in high schools.
However
,
i
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I
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 disagree and
i
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I
show examples
 will explain in the following essay.
Firstly
, the mandatory
art
classes
 may stress the students out.
Modern days
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Modern-day
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 high schoolers have to master many school subjects with tight teaching
schedule
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schedules
show examples
. Most of the students are being asked to stay behind for complementary lessons. The addition of
art
classes
 may cause them
nuisance
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a nuisance
show examples
 and
therefore
 unable to cope with the increased academic pressure. Meanwhile, the
teachers
 may have
higher
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a higher
show examples
 workload which is undesirable for their mental health. The
teachers
 have been figuring out ways to enrich the scope of view of the students,
such
 as organising museum visits, these are as effective as
art
classes
.
However
, turning the
classes
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
complusory
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 results in
higher
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a higher
show examples
 workload as the
teachers
 have to design a new
curriculumn
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 to
accommondate
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accommodate
such
change
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changes
show examples
 in syllabus.
Therefore
 the
teachers
 will be too tired
upon
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of
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 the ever-increasing
work load
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workload
show examples
.
Submitted by hardychau on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, specific instances where students might feel stressed due to mandatory art classes or ways in which teachers are already burdened could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction should be more neutral and balanced before stating your stance. Instead of beginning with an absolute statement like "Art classes are vital," try to acknowledge both viewpoints right from the start.
coherence cohesion
Develop separate paragraphs for each new idea to improve the clarity and flow of your essay. This includes having a separate introduction and more clearly defined body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is logically connected and transitions smoothly. Using linking words like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "However" can help in achieving better flow and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion is missing. Summarize your main points and reiterate your stance in the conclusion to make your essay more complete.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure, and you have addressed some important points regarding the potential pitfalls of making art classes compulsory in high schools.
complete response
You have clearly stated your stance on the issue and have provided some reasoning to back up your perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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