The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the envirnonment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

I disagree with the notion that the state should close companies that emit waste materials without their own waste treatment firm to protect the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
. In
this
essay, I will give my reasons.
Firstly
, company owners have ensured
creation
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the creation
show examples
of employment
to
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for
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persons of different ages.
This
means if they are closed, many people will be left jobless.
For instance
, Cocacola company is the largest firm globally and has created nearly 86
percent
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per cent
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of work
to
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for
show examples
people mostly in
the
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apply
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developing countries. It
will
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would
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be unfair to make
staffs
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staff
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lose their jobs and
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
the
government
can agree with the private sector on the way forward to reduce pollution to the environment.
Secondly
, private firms are the primary source
for
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of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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government
revenue. The money collected is given back to people and helps to improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
of essential amenities
such
as hospitals, schools and transport at large. If the
government
stop operation of the private companies
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of waste treatment facilities, it will
also
lose funds provided to them.
For example
, in Kenya
government
assists private companies
to design
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in designing
show examples
affordable ways of recycling products to minimise pollution.
This
has ensured growth and development for both of them.
Further
, the
government
benefit largely in terms of funds that
comes
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come
show examples
from the private
sectors
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sector
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe private sectors that do not have garbage treatment facilities should not be closed because of
loss
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the loss
show examples
of jobs and
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
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collection of
government
revenue. Rather, they should come up with cheaper ways to help combat the issue of polluting the environment and encourage
re use
Correct your spelling
reuse
show examples
of the products.
Submitted by janenjeru6 on

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task achievement
The introduction sets the stage for the argument, but it could be more precise in outlining the main points to be discussed. A clearer thesis statement could improve the overall clarity.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is addressed sufficiently, but the essay could benefit from a richer variety of vocabulary and more advanced sentence structures. Consider using more linking words for smoother transitions between points.
task achievement
Work on providing stronger support for each argument. For instance, statistics or additional research could give more weight to your points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and provides specific reasons and examples to support the argument, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the Coca-Cola company and the situation in Kenya, helps to illustrate points effectively.
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