IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the envirnonment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

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I disagree with the notion that the state should close companies that emit waste materials without their own waste treatment firm to protect the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will give my reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, company owners have ensured
creation
Add an article
the creation
show examples
 of employment
to
Change preposition
for
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 persons of different ages.
This
Linking Words
 means if they are closed, many people will be left jobless.
For instance
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, Cocacola company is the largest firm globally and has created nearly 86
percent
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per cent
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 of work
to
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for
show examples
 people mostly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developing countries. It
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be unfair to make
staffs
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staff
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 lose their jobs and
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
instead,
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 the
government
Use synonyms
 can agree with the private sector on the way forward to reduce pollution to the environment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, private firms are the primary source
for
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of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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government
Use synonyms
 revenue. The money collected is given back to people and helps to improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of essential amenities
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals, schools and transport at large. If the
government
Use synonyms
 stop operation of the private companies
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of waste treatment facilities, it will
also
Linking Words
 lose funds provided to them.
For example
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, in Kenya
government
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 assists private companies
to design
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in designing
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 affordable ways of recycling products to minimise pollution.
This
Linking Words
 has ensured growth and development for both of them.
Further
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, the
government
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 benefit largely in terms of funds that
comes
Change the verb form
come
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 from the private
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
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. In conclusion, I believe private sectors that do not have garbage treatment facilities should not be closed because of
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of jobs and
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
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 collection of
government
Use synonyms
 revenue. Rather, they should come up with cheaper ways to help combat the issue of polluting the environment and encourage
re use
Correct your spelling
reuse
show examples
 of the products.

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task achievement
The introduction sets the stage for the argument, but it could be more precise in outlining the main points to be discussed. A clearer thesis statement could improve the overall clarity.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is addressed sufficiently, but the essay could benefit from a richer variety of vocabulary and more advanced sentence structures. Consider using more linking words for smoother transitions between points.
task achievement
Work on providing stronger support for each argument. For instance, statistics or additional research could give more weight to your points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and provides specific reasons and examples to support the argument, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the Coca-Cola company and the situation in Kenya, helps to illustrate points effectively.
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