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Band 5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that a stable job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction
It is true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
jobs
 play a crucial role in
people
's lives.
However
, some
people
 say that
job
satisfaction
 is of utmost
importance
while
 others say that fixed
employment
 is a vital aspect.
This
 essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,
job
satisfaction
 is crucial in
People
's
employment
 because
this
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 more
pleasures
Fix the agreement mistake
pleasure
show examples
 even if they earn a little amount of salary.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
satisfaction
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
job
provides
Verb problem
apply
show examples
avoids psychological issues
such
 as
Strees
Correct your spelling
stress
 and depression.
For example
, many
persons are
Verb problem
people
show examples
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
over work-load
Correct your spelling
overwork-load
show examples
 and target achievements, but if they are working their
desire
Replace the word
desired
show examples
job
 that
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to providing more
satisfaction
.
Noodless
Correct your spelling
Needless
 to say,
satisfaction
Add an article
the satisfaction
a satisfaction
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment
 is of utmost
importance
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humankind.
On the other hand
,
retain of
Wrong verb form
retaining
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 is a vital aspect
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives because it brings
stable of
Replace the word
stability
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
income and
permement
Correct your spelling
permanent
employment
, so,
Correct article usage
the employed
show examples
employed
Replace the word
employees
show examples
 do not care not about financial problems.
This
 is, steady
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment
 creates
worker's
Fix the agreement mistake
workers'
show examples
 relaxation, and they
neither
Verb problem
are not
show examples
 afraid to
be looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other
jobs
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every month not
degrade
Fix the infinitive
to degrade
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
promotions.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government employees always focus on
refaining
Correct your spelling
refining
refraining
retaining
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
due to
 they do not look
Jobs
Change preposition
for Jobs
show examples
 in certain periods, and looking
new
Change preposition
for new
show examples
jobs
also
 is difficult
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays.
Then
, all workers like to hold their
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
. In Conclusion,
although
job
 pleasures are the most paramount
importance
 because
this
 helps to
being
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a
bealthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
wealthy
 lifestyle without affecting any psychological issues, retaining
employment
 is a significant
factors
Change the noun form
factor
show examples
 on the grounds it avoids looking for new
jobs
 frequently and provides income assurance.
However
, in my
opion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, about
this
,
job
satisfaction
 is of utmost
importance
 because it brings more happiness to employees.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
While your introduction and conclusion are generally effective, make sure to refine the thesis statement to clearly cover both views discussed in the essay and your personal stance. This can make your task achievement stronger.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of ideas between and within paragraphs. Using more transitional phrases can help strengthen coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to ensure clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas. Proofreading can be very beneficial.
task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses both views and offers a personal opinion, which is crucial for a high task achievement score.
task achievement
You consistently use relevant examples to support your points, which helps make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly frame the essay, giving it a well-rounded structure.

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